Tufts University’s admissions blog consistently serves up well-written advice from their knowledgeable admissions officers. And this post by Assistant Director of Admissions, Meredith Reynolds, might help those seniors who are torn between two college options and worried about making the wrong decision.
As the May 1 college decision deadline approaches, some seniors with multiple offers of admission may be struggling to make their choice. It’s a big decision, and it’s normal to feel some uncertainty, uneasiness, or just plain fear. If that scenario sounds familiar, here’s something that might help.
Be completely honest with yourself. Don’t invent (consciously or subconsciously) reasons to prefer or avoid schools just because the justifications sound more legitimate. Instead, acknowledge the real source of your doubts or concerns.
For example, maybe you’ve realized that you’re actually scared to death of moving far away from home. Maybe you’re not so sure anymore that you want to be a journalist. Maybe what you’ve always said was your first choice school was actually a lot more attractive to your parents than it was to you.
Your thoughts, fears, and feelings about choosing a college are legitimate. I’m not suggesting whether you should or should not act on them. And there are some things that probably shouldn’t matter when making this decision. But the right path will be more likely to present itself if you get real and acknowledge what’s eating you.
Start by being honest with yourself. Then if you feel like it will help, talk to someone you trust. Sometimes just saying the words out loud can make you feel a lot better about what was previously causing you stress.
The vast majority of students are very happy where they go to college, and yet many of them once had exactly the same doubts and concerns you have today. In fact, some of your peers who seem certain about their choice are probably putting on a confident face.
A little doubt and trepidation is normal. Listen to yourself and to the people who know and care about you. Chances are that once you get to college, you’ll look back and see that you made the right decision.
Certainty often reveals itself in reverse.
As college decisions pour in, those students who don’t get the yes they were looking for from their dream school face the collision of two often frustratingly contradictory lessons—do you accept that things don’t always work out as you’d hoped, or refuse to give up on your dreams?
Some students (and often parents in what feels like support for their kids) choose the latter. They’ll do a ruthless autopsy of their admissions process in search of where they supposedly went wrong. They’ll compare their accomplishments to those of students who were admitted. And in some cases, they’ll appeal the college’s decision, usually as a last-ditch effort to get what they want (before you do that, please consider the advice in this past post).
My problem with that approach is that it keeps students focused on schools that said no. Why not reallocate that time and emotional energy to making the right choice among the schools that said yes? There’s no need to stay stagnant, focusing on circumstances you have almost no power to change, when other acceptances give you a clear path forward.
You’ve probably had experiences where the refusal to give up has served you well. And it will continue to serve you well at various points during and after college. But you have to make the distinction between those things you have the power to influence, and those things that are beyond your control. When a college says no, the decision has been made. There’s no shame in accepting it. When you let go of a school that said no, you free yourself to grab hold of another that said yes.
It’s not uncommon for students to dream, often during moments of high school frustration, of what life in college will be like. When expressed, those sentiments often begin with, “I can’t wait for…”
I can’t wait for…
…taking classes I actually want to take
…not being in class from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. straight every day
…students who are less cliquey and more accepting
…football games in stadiums
…meeting new people
…living away from home
…experiencing something new
Here’s a suggestion for students. The next time you have one of those thoughts, just write it down. Substantial or trivial, fleeting or permanent, add it to what will become your “Can’t wait for…” list.
Then use it when you search for the right colleges, when you write your “Why this college?” essays, and when you just need a reminder of how much you have to look forward to.
But most importantly, use it as proof that you don’t necessarily need to attend a famous or prestigious college to get exactly what you’ve been waiting for.
Before he became the president of Reed College, John Kroger served in the Marine Corps (which he joined at 17), studied philosophy at Yale, was a federal prosecutor, wrote a bestselling book (Convictions: A Prosecutor’s Battles against Mafia Killers, Drug Kingpins, and Enron Thieves), and was Oregon’s attorney general. For me, that’s more than enough success to qualify him to address the question, what is a successful college education?
Whether or not a student has aspirations of attending a college like Reed, I hope parents and their students will spend five minutes reading—and a lot more time discussing—Kroger’s piece, What is a Successful College Education?
As Kroger writes:
“In the United States, we spend a massive amount of time and energy figuring out where our kids should go to college. We start worrying about it their sophomore year of high school and never really stop until we write the first tuition checks. We read guidebooks, consult counselors, pay for test prep, visit campuses, and even—in extreme cases—hire college search consultants. But after all this effort to find the perfect college, we spend virtually no time talking about what students should do once they get there. We equip them with bows and arrows but identify no targets.”
I agree with all of his assertions within the article. But even if you and your family do not, you almost certainly hope to get some kind of return on your college investment. Why not consider thoughtfully not just what you want your particular return to be, but also what the student can do to maximize it?
Patrick O’Connor wrote this post specifically for students who receive bad admissions news from highly selective schools. But the overarching message at the end is an important one no matter where you’ve applied to college. It does matter where you go—just not in the way you think.
And I’ll add this—the things that matter can be found at plenty of schools that don’t crack the US News Top 50 list.
If you’re planning on visiting colleges as part of your search, Collegewise counselor Casey Near just finished The Collegewise Guide to College Visits, covering topics like:
- Frequent planning mistakes and how to avoid them
- Advice on how to spend your time on (and off) campus
- Questions to ask admissions counselors and current students
- Advice for planning summer visits
There’s even some great advice for colleges on how to improve the campus visit experience for the most important party—the student.
It’s an excellent guide that I think will help any family get more out of this important college search ritual.
You can download your free copy here.
I keep seeing articles referencing the most lucrative college majors, colleges with the highest average starting salaries for graduates, and other headlines focused on a purported measurement of the return on a college investment. Given the rising cost of college and the alarming levels of student debt, I think it’s wise for any family to treat it as you would any large investment. Investigate the options. Think hard about what you hope to gain from it. Don’t assume that spending more will automatically pay more back. That’s what truly savvy college shoppers do.
But as you apply rigorous research to your college process, please don’t use these headlines to drive it.
Just because you major in x or attend college at y doesn’t mean you will necessarily reap the reported benefits mentioned in a 300-word article. If it did, those colleges would be singing from their Ivy-adorned rooftops about how much happier and richer and more successful their graduates are.
No matter what your future career, your college and your major are just two items on a very long list of things you’ll need to be successful, including drive, aptitude, experience, talent, and maybe even a little luck. The college-related items are not as responsible for the outcome as their disproportionate price might make them appear.
I’m not suggesting that your college and your major aren’t important—your odds of becoming a successful engineer decrease to almost zero if you don’t (1) attend a college with an engineering program, and (2) choose that as your major.
But you likely wouldn’t risk up to $150,000 on a stock you learned about from one short online article alone. And you probably shouldn’t do so with your college, either. Headlines make for enticing news, but not always for informed choices.
The Washington Post reports that the Gallup Organization is launching an initiative to certify colleges based on the well-being of their graduates, defining well-being as “being happy, comfortable, and satisfied” in five areas: “social, financial, sense of purpose, connectedness to their community, and physical health.” Gallup’s research indicates that “just 11 percent of college graduates are thriving in all five dimensions. More than one in six aren’t thriving in any.”
But the part of the article I most want to share here is the acknowledgement that students must bear some responsibility for their collegiate outcomes—or the lack thereof.
Part of the problem is that too many students are sleepwalking through college. They don’t engage enough in what researchers call “high-impact practices” — internships, undergraduate research, study abroad, writing-intensive classes, and interactions with professors. Many of these activities come outside the classroom, and as a result, are often not graded or measured as part of the formal degree program for which students are paying tuition.
One of my mantras here is that what you do in college will be more important than where you do it. Yes, I use this phrase in part to remind students (and their parents) that they don’t need a famous college to become successful.
But the far more important message within the mantra is that you are in charge of your college experience. It’s what you do in college that matters. Dedicated professors, research, internships, activities, opportunities for learning and growth—none of it will mean anything unless you take advantage of them while you are there. And that’s true whether you attend Harvard of Haverford, Princeton or Purdue, Stanford or Stonehill.
Yes, the specific offerings and their relative quality may differ from school to school. But you are a constant. You control your own effort, initiative, interest in learning, and drive. The key to a fulfilling and successful college career—and an equally thriving life afterwards—is to bring those traits with you to the right school for you, then work in tandem with your new college to make the most of the experience.
By all means, be a savvy and discerning college shopper—this is a big investment in more ways than one. But don’t forget that you will be your own most important factor in determining your collegiate outcome.