Thoughts for parents about college costs

One of the difficult parts about researching colleges is that kids have to apply without parents knowing what it is actually going to cost.  You know the listed price (tuition, room and board, etc.), but you don't know how much financial aid you receive until you are actually admitted to the school.  So how can parents assign any kind of financial guidelines to the kids' college search?

If your kids are starting to talk about colleges and you're starting to worry about the costs, here are three basic guidelines to keep in mind.

1. Don’t necessarily eliminate a college based on the cost.

Every financial aid talk I've heard emphasizes how much money is actually available for college.  And the amount of aid you can receive isn't dependent only on how much money you have (or don't have).  The academic strength of the student, her match with the school, and the college's desire to have her on campus can also influence a financial aid award. So while I wouldn't recommend applying to a list of schools that are all out of your price range, don't necessarily limit your list to colleges you're sure you can pay for. 

2. Talk with your kids about the cost of college.

I don't think parents should feel obligated to hide the economic realities of college from their kids.  It won't hurt kids to know how much money is being invested in their education; a student who knows how much his parents are sacrificing to send him to college is more likely to get up for that 8 a.m. calculus class every day during his freshman year.  Don't forget that while parents may be paying the tuition, student loans are taken out in the student's name.  And it will be the student–not the parent–who takes that on-campus job as part of a work study financial aid award.  That’s why college financing is often a family decision whether you want it to be or not. 

3.  Consider picking a financial safety school.

Consider encouraging your student to apply to at least one school where you're sure the student
can get in, you're sure he'd want to attend, and you're sure
you could pay for it even if you got no financial aid.   

Life changers…

I've made a living doing public speaking almost since the day I graduated from college.  But I never knew I was any good at it until that one day in college when I ran for an office in my fraternity and we had to get up and give a speech.  I learned something about myself that day (I would also later learn that "Rush Chair" is a pretty thankless job in a fraternity, but that's not really the point). 

In “Making the Most of College,” a Harvard education professor interviewed more than 1600 undergraduates about what had been their deepest, most meaningful college experiences.  When he asked students to think of a specific experience that changed them profoundly, four-fifths of them chose something that happened outside of the classroom.

Yes, colleges are like academic supermarkets where you can study anything that interests you.  But don't forget about the opportunities for self-discovery that take place in college, too.  What you learn in your psychology class may not ultimately be as life-changing as that one day the professor told you that she saw great potential in your work.  The one internship you get over the summer, or the time you spend writing for the school paper, or the research you do with a professor, or the volunteer work you do at a local non-profit, your college experience will give you a lot of opportunities to discover your talents, likes, dislikes and potential life paths. 

At Collegewise, we tell our kids all the time that it's not where you go to college, it's what you do while you're there.  If you spend your college years putting yourself in the positions to have these kinds of self-discoveries, you'll find them.  I don't care where you go to school–the famous colleges do not dole out life-changing experiences with any more efficiency than the non-famous ones

That's an importing thing to keep in mind as you're searching for colleges.  Remember that the college rankings don't take these experiences into consideration.  The websites and literature and tour guides can't tell you what your discoveries will be.  But your chances to find them for yourself will be waiting for you wherever you go.

And if you're a senior who's starting to receive your college news, remember that if your dream school says "No," you'll still have these life-changing moments in college.  You'll just be doing it somewhere else.  It doesn't matter where you have them; lives change at lots of colleges.

Five college search tips for juniors and their parents

This is the time of year when a lot of juniors (and their parents) start getting serious about the college search.  That's a good thing; choosing where you apply to college is a big decision and it's not one that should be put off until the fall application season.  To help your family enjoy it a little more, here are five college search tips for juniors and their parents.  

1. Students need to take the lead.

I think any parent (especially one who's paying the tuition bill) deserves input on your kid's college choices.  But it's important to remember that it's the student's college experience that matters, not a parent's.  The more students do for themselves, including researching and selecting appropriate colleges, the better. 

2. Remember that where you apply is totally different from where you actually go.

I mention this because it’s OK to want both big schools and small schools.  It's OK for parents and students to disagree on some of the college choices. It's OK to not be completely sure you're ready to move 1500 miles away from home. You’re not going yet—you’re just researching schools and deciding where to apply.  Acknowledging that difference can take some pressure off students and parents during the search process.  

3. Remember that what you do in college will be much more important than where you go.

It will be up to you to extract the value your college has to offer, whether it's atop all the college news rankings, or some tiny school your friends have never heard of.  So it's much more important that you find the right fit than it is you find a college that's famous. 

4. Don’t expect to be certain about your college choices until you get there.  

Big life decisions always have some uncertainty.  It’s normal.  And almost none of our happy college students perfectly articulated their current college existence back in high school when they were researching colleges.  For now, you just need to be engaged and curious.

5. Relax.

Statistics show that most students like their colleges, even those who are attending schools that weren't their first choice.  You are, after all, with a bunch of 18-22 year-olds and your most important responsibilities are to learn and have fun.  College is a pretty good arrangement, no matter where you are.  So enjoy this.  Be engaged in the process, trust your instincts, and have a little fun while you're at it.  You're only going to get to go through the college search process once, and you'll enjoy it a lot more if you allow yourself to do so.

On College Visits, Just See What You Want to See

Stadium_2 I visited Notre Dame once and I only wanted to see one thing–Notre Dame Stadium.  I didn't take a tour or hear the information session or sit in a class.  I just wanted to see "The House that Rockne Built."  Sure, it's possible that I had to squeeze through an opening in a locked gate just to get in and take a peek.  I don't advocate trespassing for teenagers, but it was worth it (for me).  It was one of the most memorable college visits I've ever made. 

Many families are planning to visit colleges this spring.  When you do, don't feel pressured to do anything but see what you want to see.  Tours and information sessions and class sit-ins are great for some people.  But there's no wrong way to visit a college, much like there's no wrong way to take a vacation.  So whether it's the football stadium at Notre Dame or the Jet Propulsion Laboratory at Caltech, see what you want to see.  Take in the scene.  And have fun.  Concentrate more on making it memorable than you do on making it productive.  Just enjoy the time with your family on a college campus. There's enough stress surrounding the process of getting in to college–the visits should be the fun part. 

How to compare financial aid awards

Comparing financial aid awards from colleges isn't as easy as asking, "Who's giving us the most money?"

We've met more than one family who admitted to being swept up by the total figure in the financial aid award letter they received along with an offer of admission from a college.  When a college says that you've been awarded, "$16,000 in financial aid a year for four years:" that doesn't necessarily mean that you're getting a $16,000 discount off the college's sticker price. 

Financial aid awards can be a combination of free money (scholarships), loans, and work study.  To figure out who's giving you the best offer, you need to consider the total cost of attendance for the college, the amount of free money, loans and their accompanying interest rates, etc. 

For senior parents, the award comparison tool available from Finaid.org is wonderful.  You plug in the numbers; they'll tell you who's giving you the best offer. 

Just remember that the "cost of attendance" (COA) is not just the tuition–it's tuition, room and board, personal expenses, etc.  Most schools list their estimated COA on the financial aid section of their websites.


Adding up…

When I was at the grocery store this afternoon, a group of four college guys were stocking up for what appeared to be a college roommate barbecue–hot dogs, buns, charcoal, chips, generic brand ketchup and mustard, and of course, (very) cheap beer.

When the elected accountant of the group did a rough calculation and told his friends they didn't have enough money for everything in the future feast, one of them–and I swear I'm not making this up–made a quick executive decision and said,

"Dude, that charcoal is nine bucks!  Put it back.  Let's just microwave the hot dogs." 

That, my friends, is college ingenuity at work.

If you're a high school student right now, you're probably worried about your GPA.   You're probably worried about your SAT scores and your AP tests and whether or not your dream school is going to say yes.  It's a lot of pressure and it can sometimes be easy to forget how much you have to look forward to.

But someday, none of those things are going to matter anymore because you'll be in college.  And even if you don't end up at the school that you're sure today is the only one for you, you'll still get to do things that you talk about 5 and 10 and 30 years later. 

Not too long from now, those college guys I saw at the store will be grown-ups with jobs and families and real responsibilities.  And they'll look back fondly at their time in college.  They'll laugh when they remember how they could get a whole weekend's worth of meals (and beer) for under 20 bucks and be completely happy.  Great college memories are created everywhere from Harvard to the tiny college you haven't even heard of yet.  

By the way, two of these guys had sweatshirts identifying them as attending the University of California — Irvine, one of those schools that rejects a lot of qualified applicants.  Don't assume that smart kids don't enjoy roommate barbecues and cheap beer in college.  

Don't worry.  Whether or not a barbecue like that is your idea of a great time, everything you're doing will eventually add up to a great college experience you'll remember. 

Your best academic experience?

The best academic experience I ever had was my eighth grade science class. It was better than any class I ever took in high school or college, and it was almost entirely due to the teacher, Mr. Schmidt. I’d never been a science guy, but I loved that he could make everything from introductory physics to aeronautics fascinating. I loved how he treated us like we were smart unless we made the mistake of proving otherwise. And I loved that on the very first day, when the resident class clown made one of his dopey comments, Mr. Schmidt told him, “You pick your ass up out of that chair and get out of my class. Now.”

I never worked harder to succeed or to earn a teacher’s approval then I did that year. I looked forward to third period science every single day. On the last day of class, I actually felt a little choked up when I walked out and said to him, “Keep teaching like you are, Mr. Schmidt.”

I never had another class like Mr. Schmidt’s. And that’s my fault. I could have had them, but I never sought out teachers or classes whose reputations sounded like they might duplicate that experience for me. I just assumed that how much you like a class or a teacher is all about the luck of the draw. What a mistake.

What has your best academic experience been, the one class that you actually looked forward to attending every single day. What made it so great?  Was it because of the subject matter? Because the teacher was so great?  Because you fed off the sense of competition, or the class discussion, or the opportunity to be pushed to work harder than you thought you could?

Maybe it was a combination of all of those things.  But whatever it was, I encourage you to think about it, identify what made it special, and then make it your personal academic mission to duplicate it as many times as possible throughout high school and college.

It may not feel like it now, but you’re in charge of your academic experience. You can pursue subjects that interest you. You can seek out teachers with great reputations. You’ll get to choose your college and your classes and your major. When you do, think about your best academic experiences and whether or not these choices will create more of them.

Why not try to create academic experiences that you look forward to every day, every semester, and every year?

Who deserves the credit?

According to the Boston Globe, Harvard received a record 29,112 applications for the Class of 2013.  

2,900 of them scored a perfect 800 on the SAT critical reading section.  3,500 got a perfect SAT math score. Nearly 3,700 were ranked first in their senior class. 

Still, 93% of those amazing, brilliant, accomplish students were rejected.  Why?  Because Harvard only has 1655 spaces in the freshman class. It's not a miscarriage of justice; it's just simple math (I was an English major, and let's just say that for me to call math simple is really saying something). 

So, when those 1655 lucky students who are currently freshmen at Harvard go on to do great things in their lives, who deserves the credit?  Does Harvard deserve it? 

I don't think so.  Those students' future success will come from of qualities they developed long before they ever took up residence at Harvard, like their work ethic, interest in learning, character, persistence, and maybe even their personality and charm.  Schools like Harvard go out of their way to accept students with those qualities.  So it really should come as no surprise if the graduates go on to do great things. 

And what about the 27,000 amazingly brilliant and accomplished applicants who were rejected?  Are they doomed to substandard lives now that they won't have Harvard degrees?  I know–that sounds like a stupid question because it is.  Of course they're not doomed.  They're too amazingly brilliant and accomplished to be left behind. 

I'm not arguing that the Harvard experience isn't a special one; I'm sure most of those 1655 freshmen will have an amazing four years.  But so will the rest of those hard-workers who got rejected and ended up someplace else.  Smart, hard-working, passionate kids will almost certainly make something of themselves wherever they go. 

The notion that you have to go to a famous college to have a happy and successful life is a scam. If you had to go to one of those schools to have a good life, we'd never
have 2,000 colleges in this country that people would pay good money to
attend.  So don't fall for name-brand-itis.  It's not where you go to college; it's who you are and what you do while you're there that counts. 

The right college–famous or not–can certainly help you.  But you'll still deserve the credit for your own success.

Works in progress

I've noticed three things about our former Collegewise students when they describe their college experiences.  If you ask some current college students about their collegiate lives, you'll likely find the same three similarities.

1.  Almost all of them are happy in college.

Statistics show that most students like their colleges, even those who are attending schools that weren't their first choice.  You are, after all, with a bunch of 18-22 year-olds and your most important responsibilities are to learn and have fun.  College is a pretty good arrangement, no matter where you are.

2.  When pressed, most of them would admit that their colleges aren't necessarily perfect.  

Why do marriage vows include the phrase, "For better or for worse"?  Because life isn't easy and perfect every day, and college is no different.  Wherever you go to college, you have to work to make the experience great for you.  The same will be true of your jobs after college, your relationships, and anything else of value in your life.  You can't reasonably expect that your college will be perfect every day for four years.     

3.  Almost none of them perfectly articulated their current college existence back in high school when they were researching colleges.

Some seventeen year-olds can describe their ideal future college experience in perfect detail; most can't.  You likely won't know what you love most about college until you get there.  So unless your 21 year-old self has a time machine to come back and advise you during your high school years, you're going to have match your college research with some gut instinct to pick the right schools.  This can be difficult for parents to watch (especially for those parents who enjoy making spreadsheets to compare campus characteristics–we know who you are!).  But the nation's collegiate youth would have collapsed in despair long ago if great college experiences could only be born from a spreadsheet-based audit.

Yes, you can (and should) take your college search seriously.  You're
talking about a four-year expenditure of time and money, one that no
reasonable student should take lightly.  Don't apply to schools just
because your friends are choosing them or because they rank somewhere
on the US News list.  Think about yourself, how you like to learn and
what type of college environment might be good for you.  It's the way any mature student should approach such a big decision. 

But no matter how much you research, visit and evaluate colleges during your search, you won't find a perfect one that will guarantee you a flawless four years.  Wherever you go, your college experience will be a work in progress, one that you'll have to work to make work for you.  That might seem scary, but once you accept these truths, it takes some pressure off.  

If you like different colleges for very different reasons, that's
OK.  If you visit a college you thought you loved and leave thinking it
should come off your list, that's OK.  If you fall for a college your
friends have never heard of, that's OK. The process doesn't have to be
rational all the time. 

And if you don't get into your school that you were sure was meant to be your collegiate soul mate, that's OK, too. You'll find four-years of love (and a lifetime worth of college memories) somewhere else. 

Great college matches are always works in progress

Not all quitters are created equal

Quitters often get a bad rap.

You've probably heard this advice:  "Whatever you do, never give up.  Don't be a quitter." 

But you've probably also heard the advice, "Find what you love to do.  Pursue your passions."

How can anyone possibly do both of those things simultaneously? 

We're conditioned to think that the only way to succeed, the only way to get ahead and achieve is to refuse to quit no matter what happens.  We're taught that success will come if we just keep going.

But if you follow that advice all the time, how are you supposed to find what you love to do?  It doesn't work.  And that's why a lot of the happiest, most successful people have quitting in their history. 

I'd like to propose that not all quitters are created equal.  There are good quitters and bad quitters. 

If you get one low grade on a math test and refuse to try anymore, you're a bad quitter.  You're giving up because something got difficult, and nobody who succeeds in life regularly gives up as soon as something gets challenging.  If you love being on the volleyball team but quit just because you didn't get picked as the starting setter, maybe you should have stayed and worked harder?  And if you quit your part time job just because you don't like the way your boss gets mad when you show up late, you really have some lessons to learn about the way the work world functions. 

But there are also good quitters.  

Good quitters quit the right things at the right times.  They can recognize when something they're involved in isn't bringing them any happiness or fulfillment.  They can sense when an activity, a job, a project, or a relationship isn't going anyplace successful or productive.  They'd rather spend their time on something with more potential.  So they quit and move on.  And they don't beat themselves up about it.

One of our former Collegewise students was a standout football player at his high school.  But he quit right before the start of his junior year.  Football wasn't making him happy.  In fact, it was making him miserable.  And he had been grinding through it just because he didn't want to be a quitter. 

But as he told us, he came to the realization that he simply longer wanted to do something in which he was regularly "congratulated for trying to take someone's head off."  He wanted to be doing other things that he thought would make him happier.  So he quit, joined a steel drum band at his high school, and started volunteering at his church.

He went on to attend and graduate from Notre Dame.  They didn't mind him being a (good) quitter.  

Here's the most important characteristic that distinguishes good quitters from bad quitters; bad quitters want to quit so just they can stop doing something.  Good quitters want the opportunity to do something else, something better for them, something they really want to throw themselves into, something that might even be harder.

For good quitters, it's not about getting more time to sleep or watch TV.  They quit because they've got bigger goals, not smaller ones. 

Quitters never win?  I don't buy that.  Bad quitters might never win.  Good quitters win all the time.

So don't be afraid to quit.  Be afraid of being a bad quitter.