Why thank-you notes are so great

I got a great thank-you note the other day.  It was thoughtful and
sincere and really made me feel like this person appreciated the
(actually pretty small) thing I did. 

It was also, of course,
totally unnecessary.  But that's why thank-you notes are so great. 
They're unexpected and a nice surprise.  They're free to the writer,
but worth a lot to the receiver.  It's rare that you can do something
so easy that's so well appreciated. 

So think about a person who's helped you or done something nice
who deserves your thanks.  Maybe it's a teacher, your counselor, your
boss, or a friend who helped you when you needed it.  Write a nice note of thanks and let them know you appreciate their help. 

If you need some tips to write a good one, here's a prior post.

One thing that great leaders do

Jim Collins, a professor at Stanford Business School, wrote a great book that studies history's most effective CEOs.  And one of the traits he found that they all had in common was a desire to see the company become even more successful after they left.  They did everything they could do to ensure the future success of their companies, including selecting and training their successors.  They didn't let their egos get in the way.  They never wanted people to talk about how great the company used to be.  They wanted things to be even better for the company's next generation.     

I think there's a lot of potential here for high school students here.  So much of what you do in high school is temporary.  You're the captain of the basketball team for one year.  You're the president of the French club, or the lead in the school play, or the school board rep, or a section editor of the paper for just one year.  Yes, you need to do a great job, and you want people to appreciate the impact that you make.  But you can make an even great impact if you set up your successor to take over and have even great success when you're gone.

The school year is ending (or has already ended) for many of you.  Are your successors ready to take over what you left behind?  What could you do to help them be even more successful?  You have two options–you assume that it's not your problem any more, or you can play an important part in helping your team, club, organization or other group be successful even after you're gone. 

Look for fun, not facts, on your campus visits

Jay Mathews of the Washington Post (and the author of Harvard Schmarvard, one of our favorites) has a great take on visiting college campuses.  I've shared it before, but since he's bringing the topic back up, I'll go ahead and share it again.  Here's his latest post

His idea that you can just see what you want to see on college campuses, that you can have a little fun without toting a clipboard and taking notes, also works for counselors

Tip for counselors: how to get the most out of a conference

The counselors from our Irvine office are attending the annual WACAC conference this week.  Good counselors and admissions officers spend a lot of time at conferences, so it's important to feel like it's time and money well spent.  Here are a few tips we've picked up during our conferencing years that might help.

1. Don’t be afraid to pick a session based on the speakers rather than on the subject.

Some of the best sessions we’ve ever attended at conferences discussed topics that had surprisingly little to do with our jobs.  But we know when someone like Bruce Poch from Pomona College or Paul Kanarek from The Princeton Review speaks, we always learn something.  Great presenters make for great sessions.  So don’t be afraid to occasionally pick a great presenter over a session whose subject matter might be more relevant. 

2. Try to have meals with people you haven’t met. 

If you’re here with colleagues like we are, it’s easy to huddle with familiar faces during the group meals.  But there are a lot of great people to meet here, and meals are a perfect time to do it.  In fact, some counselors are here without colleagues and will welcome the company.  So get to know new people during the meals. 

3. Attend the social events.
We do love a good conference social event.  It’s a great time to relax and have fun with both current colleagues and new friends who know that several hundred counselors and admissions officers coming together to discuss education makes for one heck of a party.   So no matter how inviting a quiet night in your room may be, spend a little time, well, socializing at the socials.

4. Be on the lookout for tips, information and advice you can use when you get back.
This is something we learned from conference veterans.  It’s great when you can leave a conference excited about new ideas that you can implement into your job.  Experienced counselors know this, and they spend most of the conference on the lookout for those insights.   They enter every session hungry for one piece of information, or one suggestion they can take back and use.  They think not just about what they’re learning, but also what to actually do with that knowledge when they get back.  So feed off that tendency.  Ask questions.  Write down your ideas as soon as you think of them.  Talk with your colleagues not just about what you learned at a great session, but also how you’re going to apply that knowledge back on the job.

5. Remember that you’re here for you, too.
We all go to conferences for the students that we serve.  But it’s also important to use conferences as a chance to have fun, to commiserate with colleagues about the challenges and joys of our jobs, and to recharge our batteries so we can do an even better job with our students when we get back.  If that means that you skip one session to connect over a beer with some new counselor friends you’ve just made, we think that’s OK.  

“Helicopter parent” is not a positive term

I had an interesting experience with "helicopter parents" last week.  I'd just finished doing a seminar at a high school and three mothers approached me with a question. The elected spokeswoman of the group proudly announced, "We're helicopter parents–and we have some questions about helping our kids find activities this summer." 

Parents who support your kids and want the best for them have every reason to be proud of their efforts.  Parenting isn't easy, especially during the teenage years. 

But if you identify yourself as a helicopter parent, you should know that the term is pejorative for a reason.  A helicopter parent hovers over your kid so closely that he doesn't learn to think and live on his own.  College administrators talk about helicopter parents who call professors and argue for grades to be changed, or who intervene in roommate squabbles.  Even employers are talking about parents who call on behalf of their (college graduate!) children to investigate job openings or to make sure their kids' resumes were received.  

There are times when we sit with a student at Collegewise and just know that she's going to be successful.  That feeling has a lot more to do with how she carries herself, her maturity, her self confidence and her work ethic than it does her grades or test scores.  But one thing this kids all have in common are parents who are supportive but know when to step back.

If you're a helicopter parent, you can be proud of your instincts to want everything for your kids, but you should consider different methods.  Become a proud former helicopter parent and then teach other hovering moms and dads how to follow your lead.

Easy steps to improve your writing

I just finished "Revising Prose," one of the best books I've read about improving your writing.  The author is a professor of English at UCLA who comes right out and says that academic writing encourages excessive wordiness and that clear, concise writing is the mark of good writer and thinker.  He teaches what he calls the "Paramedic Method" to improve any sentence.  Here are a few of the key points.

1.  Circle the prepositions. 

Too many prepositions take the action out of a sentence and make it unnecessarily wordy.  So circle anything like of, in, by, through, from, etc.

Removing the prepositions just makes this sentence better.

Original: "In this paragraph is an example of the use of a cliche in describing an experience." 

Revised: "This paragraph uses a cliche to describe an experience." 

2.  Circle the "Is" forms.

I never had a problem with the word "Is" until I read this book.  Now I understand that "is" and all its forms (is, was, will be, seems to be, have been, etc.) just suck the life out of a sentence.  Replace all "is" forms with action verbs, and get rid of unnecessary prepositions, and your sentence comes back to life. 

Original:  "The trend in college admissions seems to be that there is a general increase in selectivity at famous colleges."

Revised:  "Famous colleges are becoming more selective."

3.  Find the action.

The author calls this, "Ask who's kicking whom."  To revise your sentences and make them active and clear, just identify the action–ask yourself who is doing what to whom, and make that the focus of the sentence.

Original: "Attending a private college is considered too expensive by some people." 

Who is doing what to whom?  Some people are considering…  Let's revise it and focus on the action.

Revised: "Some people consider private colleges too expensive."  

4.  Make the "kicking" a simple action verb.

Original: "The need for safety schools is not satisfied in this college list."

Revised: "This college list does not satisfy the need for safety schools."

Even better revision:  "This college list needs safety schools." 

5.  Start fast. 

Every time you start a sentence with, "The point I'm trying to make is," or "What we need to focus on is," or, "My opinion is that," you're starting off a sentence too slowly.  The author calls these "slow windups." We always say that a college essay has to start with a pithy first sentence that comes right out and says something.  But that doesn't mean that other sentences should start slowly.

So when you write a sentence, start fast.  Don't do a slow windup.  Say what you want to say.

Those are just a few of his tips.  It's a great book that, somewhat frustratingly, makes me want to go back through everything I've ever written and totally revise it.

Advanced essay training

Last night, three of our veteran "essay specialists" came back for some advanced training in the art of helping students find and tell their best stories, and how to do it ethically so we don't take over the process.  If you work with students to help them with college essays, here are a few of the tips we taught.

1. Before you jump in and brainstorm, spend five minutes getting the kid to relax a little bit. 

Dentists do this before they start drilling.  They ask you questions about where you’re vacationing.  We do the same thing with kids.  Before you start asking a student which activity meant the most to him, just chat for five minutes.  It will help the kid relax and be more open about his stories.   

2. Always ask the kid if he’s got any ideas about what he wants to write. 

It's the student's essay, not ours.  Just because we have a great process to help kids find their stories doesn't mean we should ignore whatever ideas a student already has. So ask. 

3. Don’t just sit in silence while you read the student’s responses. 

Our students type long responses to our 20 brainstorming questions.  It takes a while for us to read through them before we discuss them.  But while we read, we don't want the student to feel like a teacher is grading her test right in front of her.  So ask questions, or even just say, “Oh, that’s good.”  Give some feedback as you go to let the student know he's doing fine.

4.  Don’t hold back when you like one of their responses.
 
Enthusiasm is contagious.  A student will feel encouraged when you get excited and say, “What a minute.  You're on the football team AND you play the tuba?!?  I've never heard of that before.  You've got to tell me more about that." 

5.    “Forget the essay.  It’s just you and me talkin’ now…”

If a student seems reserved, or if you can sense that he's more enthusiastic about a topic than he's letting on, take the essay reins off and say,

"Forget the essay.  It's just you and me talkin' now…” 

Physically set your notes down when you say it.  Watch how much more enthusiastic and relaxed the student gets.

6.  When you see an example of great writing in their brainstorming responses, highlight it, show it to them, and explain why it’s good. 

We want students to understand what good writing looks like.  When you're reading their brainstorming responses and you see examples of good detail, or funny lines, or just a great turn of phrase, circle it, point it out and explain why it's good.  Then tell him, “That’s what I want you to do in your essays!”

7. Ask the student to explain the stories back to you. 

We don't want to tell the story for a student.  So rather than say, "In the second paragraph, you can describe how your coach got angry when the starting fullback quit, and how he asked you to take his place."  Instead, ask the student, "So, tell me again what happened when that player quit…" Make them tell the story and recall their own details.

8. Warn kids that “Track changes” makes things look a lot worse than they are.

We love the "Track changes" feature in Microsoft Word.  But most students are used to associating markings on an essay with errors.  The first time a kid opens a draft with changes marked, it looks a lot worse than it is, especially given that even your positive feedback looks like red-penned editing.  So warn a student.  Tell him, "Don't be alarmed when you see the draft.  The track changes looks like a blood bath but a lot of what I've written is to comment on what you did well!"

9. Don’t be afraid to use the “Show, don’t tell” concept in your comments.

We tell kids that good writing is descriptive.  So are good comments from editors!  Sometimes the best way to explain something to a student is to show him what you mean, but use examples that the student couldn’t just lift and use himself.

    For example, a student writes:

"Now as a senior, I am taking AP psychology and I find myself engrossed in the course.  The “theory of the fundamental attribution error” and the “foot-in-the-door phenomenon” are now phrases that have been incorporated into my daily vocabulary." 

    And the editor comments:

"Great example!  Can you give one or two more specific examples of how you use or think about these concepts?  It’s more believable if you say something specific like (and I’m totally making this up because I don’t know what these concepts mean AT ALL!), 'I used to think that the reason my brother lied to other kids I and told them I wet the bed until I was 12 was just because he was mean.  Now I know that he’s not only mean, but he’s also possibly suffering from fundamental attribution error.'" 

If you're trying to get a soccer player to give you more detail, write a sample for him…using a golfer or a poker player as an example.  Just don't use a soccer playing example because the kid will want to use what you've written. 

10.    Don’t forget to insert praise in your comments, too.

We're not just editors here; we're also teachers.  If all you do is point out what needs to be changed, improved or revised in an essay, it's discouraging for the student.  So always include some sincere praise.  Show the kid what he did right.  Insert the occasional “I love that line” or “Good example!” into your comments. It will keep the student engaged and leave him more inclined to accept your constructive criticism. 

What students can learn from Major League Baseball

A lot of colleges' essay questions ask you to describe a time that you failed or made a mistake.  Nobody is successful all the time, so colleges don't expect seventeen year-olds to be perfect.  But they ask the question because the way you handle these circumstances says a lot about your character. 

Baseball fans saw a great example of that this week when umpire Jim Joyce absolutely blew a call that cost pitcher Armando Galarraga a perfect game.  The replay made it obvious to everyone, including Joyce, that he'd missed the call.  So he did something you almost never see an umpire do.  He admitted he was wrong and apologized. 

“It was the biggest call of my career, and I kicked the sh*t out of it, I just cost that kid a perfect game. I thought he beat the throw. I was convinced he beat the throw, until I saw the replay.”

He also apologized personally to the pitcher, Galarraga.

"Joyce felt badly enough about it that, long after the game was over,
he asked to meet with Galarraga. It’s an incredibly unusual move, but
given the circumstances, it was understandable.

Tigers president/general manager Dave Dombrowski brought Galarraga
from the home clubhouse into the umpires’ room.

'He asked if he could see Armando and I brought Armando in there,' Dombrowski said, 'and [Joyce] apologized profusely to him and he said he
just felt terrible. They hugged each other and Armando said, ‘I
understand.’"

Major League Baseball gave Joyce the option to take the next game off, but he declined, even though he knew what he was in for.  He said he was, "Ready for boos" and promised,

"I’ll take it.  “I’ll take whatever you can give me, and I’ll
handle it like a man, and I’ll do the best I can.”

And here's what happened in the next game.