If you’re still polishing your Common Application for submission, you might benefit from our Guide to the Common Application, which you can get for free here. From the essay prompts, to the activity listing, to the additional information section, I think you’ll appreciate the insightful advice no matter where you’re applying to college.
What’s ahead and behind
I’ve met families who mistakenly believed that the time to apply for financial aid was after their student had been admitted to college. It’s not a pleasant discovery when they find out that they’ve long since missed the need-based aid boat.
Parents, if you have a student who is applying to begin college in the fall of 2016, please visit the “financial aid” sections on the websites for each of your student’s college choices. Find out what forms need to be submitted, and by when. The FAFSA, the starting point for all need-based aid, should be submitted as early as possible after January 1, 2016. But the colleges may have other forms that need to be completed, too.
Don’t wait for a college, counselor, friend, or neighbor to sound the deadline bell. As much anxiety as the idea of paying for college may bring, I promise that you’ll experience significant relief when you know what’s ahead, not to mention what’s behind you.
Self-fulfilling prophecies
As much as I preach about the importance of finding the right college fit, it’s not realistic for most students to be certain of their collegiate match until they actually become a college student.
There are just too many variables when evaluating colleges to expect to be certain with your choices. Our former students who rave about their experiences point to things like particular classes or professors, new friends, activities they’ve discovered—many of which cannot be researched or planned ahead of time.
What you want out of college, the environment that feels right, your goals and interests and what you do for fun—all of those things can change between the ages of 17 and 22 (how many adults could say that they didn’t change at all during those pivotal years?).
And there’s almost no way to effectively test-drive a college. Yes, you can research and visit and even talk to current students. But you won’t really be able to experience it until you begin your life as a student and a member of that community.
So if this certainty is so elusive, why push the search for fit?
A student who really takes the time to consider what they want out of college, who ponders what interests them, what they’d like to learn and do and experience, will understand themselves better than the student whose search begins and ends with, “I want to go to an Ivy League school.”
A student who investigates and then evaluates potential colleges will be a savvier college shopper. She’ll have strong points of comparison and contrast as well as a much better sense of the available options.
A student who is engaged in the college search will take appropriate ownership of the process. They’ll refine their gut instinct about schools and do a much better job of imagining themselves on each potential campus.
And most importantly, a student who searches for the right college fit is taking appropriate ownership of what might be their first major life decision as an adult. Isn’t that better than just trusting college rankings or simply applying to schools that parents select?
Uncertainty is a normal part of big decisions. It’s hard to be completely sure until the aftermath of the choice. But much like in romance, job hunting, and just about every other major decision that affects our lives, the more thoughtful and deliberate we are, the more confidence we have in ourselves and optimism we have that things will work out somehow, the more likely those thoughts become self-fulfilling prophecies.
Amplify the enjoyable parts
In 2006, students at Bronx Prep Charter School gathered to cheer on the 21 seniors in the inaugural senior class as they exited the gates together to mail their college applications at the local post office. Eight years later, that tradition—and the number of students participating—has grown. Today’s seniors enjoy a send-off from the entire student body and staff, and even an MC and DJ, as you can see in Bronx Prep’s video here.
https://youtu.be/FLARJHTGe-A
These kids are excited to be applying to college. They’re excited at the opportunity that waits for them after high school. They’re being cheered on by their community for doing the hard work to successfully arrive at this day. And none of it is predicated upon which colleges say yes.
Students, parents, and counselors everywhere should emulate their example.
No matter what your circumstances or where your kids hope to go, celebrate the milestone of applying to college. Celebrate all the hard work it took to get to this point. Celebrate the opportunities that are bound to come your way regardless of which schools return an acceptance.
How you celebrate it doesn’t matter (each of our Collegewise offices celebrates the final application submission in their own ways with their students). But find a way to recognize and celebrate the important step your student is taking by applying to college.
The best way to enjoy this process is to amplify the already enjoyable parts.
When there’s nothing to fix
If you write a computer program and it doesn’t run correctly, something is wrong. There’s a fix to be done—you just have to identify it. Electronics, machinery, carpentry—the measure of whether or not they’re done right is whether or not they work well.
But not all college applications work that way.
If you applied in an early application program and were deferred or outright denied, you might be wondering what you did wrong. You might be looking critically at your application and second-guessing your approach, looking for what went wrong, especially if you now have other applications to submit. No sense repeating prior mistakes if you can avoid it. That’s not necessarily a bad instinct. But please remember that it’s also possible that you did nothing wrong at all, especially if you applied to highly-selective colleges.
Colleges that admit fewer than 20 or even 10 percent of their applicants are denying just about everybody. And many of those who get the bad news did absolutely nothing wrong. Their applications were strong. Their essays were compelling. Their grades and test scores and profiles were as good or even better as many of those admitted. That’s the reality of an admissions process where the very best applicants apply to the same very short list of schools, all of which have far, far more qualified applications than they could ever hope to admit. Some applicants have obvious shortcomings. But many more do not.
Did you work hard on your applications? Were you careful and deliberate, making sure to follow instructions and double-check for accuracy? And most importantly, were you proud of what you submitted? If so, there’s a very good chance that you did nothing wrong. Just because it didn’t work like you hoped it would doesn’t mean it was broken.
Sure, you can reevaluate what you did before. But stay open to the possibility that maybe there’s nothing to fix.
Parents: enjoy it before it’s over
Compared to most moms and dads who read this blog, I’m at the opposite end of the parenting timeline.
My son (who’s also my first-born) turns one today. My wife and I are immersed in the stage that every parent must pass through—diapers, teething, sleep training, fussing, feedings, arranging childcare, first birthday, finding babysitters, learning the ropes, preserving your sanity, and soaking it all in.
The most common advice we hear from seasoned parents who successfully negotiated this phase long ago? “Enjoy it—it will be over before you know it.”
As much as we might not always see it now, there will inevitably be a time when we miss those days that our little guy slept in his crib and couldn’t do a single thing without us. And while most parents who read this blog are long past the diaper stage with their kids, this is exactly the same message I share with those of you who are going through the college admissions process—enjoy it, because it will be over before you know it.
You will only get to experience this time once with each of your kids. Watching your former baby apply to college, touring schools, celebrating acceptances, reveling in the reality that you’ve raised a healthy and responsible kid who’s ready to go make his or her place in the world by becoming a college freshman—these are milestones meant to be savored. Why ruin them by focusing only on the negatives, like which colleges said no, where your student could have improved, or how the results stack up against those of other families?
Parents, if you have a college applicant in the house, please remember that while you will always be Mom or Dad, this is the final stage before they’ll be off on their own. Think back on all those other phases—from newborn to child to teen—that you might not have taken the time to savor as much as you could have. Then resolve not to make that mistake in the final stage before they’re out of the house.
The more you enjoy it now, the less painful it will be when it’s over.
When the hard work is done
I’ve been writing frequent posts these days for the senior families still sprinting towards the application finish line. But here’s a message for those whose kids are done—those whose applications and essays and all other college to-do’s have already been finished.
First, make sure you’ve appropriately celebrated. Applying to college is a big deal. It deserves some recognition. Even a celebratory family dinner at home or out, one in which parents tell their kids how proud they are of all their hard work, is enough to make what really is a significant milestone.
And second, now that the applications are done, please accept that the decisions are now out of your hands. You can’t worry your way to a yes from any school, and all the wondering and squirming and second-guessing just elevates both tension and blood pressure.
Your applications are in. Let out a sigh of relief and start basking in your application-free glow. The best part of any difficult project is the feeling you get when the hard work is done.
The second-to-last minute
“I’m not good at the last minute. It’s really fraught with risk and extra expense. I’m much better doing things the first minute instead.”
If you’re a senior who’s starting your holiday break with unfinished applications staring at you, the opportunity to complete the work in the first minute passed long ago. I know you’re not happy about it. I know you realized they were important and you wanted to start earlier. And now you’re here, wishing circumstances were different and that you’d gotten much further than you have. That’s the bad news.
The good news is that you’re not quite at the last minute, yet. You’re actually at the second-to-last minute. So if this sounds like your situation, (1) Don’t lament what’s happened (or not happened), and (2) Double down on your application efforts.
Regret isn’t a useful emotion for you right now. It will only sap both your energy and your creativity at the very time that you need your full reserves. You can’t change what happened before—you’re better served redirecting all that mental energy towards your applications.
Starting today, make applications your most important daily priority. You still have the opportunity to avoid the frantic scrambling to press the “Submit” button just before the deadline. And even more importantly, an earlier finish will mean there’s more of your holiday break to enjoy, application free.
The first minute may be gone, but the last isn’t here yet. So make the second-to-last minute count.
Make an impact; leave a legacy
I write often here about the idea of making an impact and leaving a legacy. Those contributions go beyond talent and individual accolades. Anyone, from the starter to the bench player, the lead to the understudy, the editor to the staff writer, the elected officer to the title-less role-player, can bring enough of whatever they have to contribute that they 1) make a difference while they’re involved, and 2) are missed when they are gone.
Retiring soccer player, Abby Wambach, is the all-time leading U.S. goal-scorer in both World Cup and Olympic competition. Her 184 goals in international play is the most by any player, male or female. She also captained the US National Team to two Olympic gold medals and the 2015 World Cup championship. In honor of her final game on December 15, Nike released a tribute video featuring her teammates. What’s particularly notable, to me, is how many of their sentiments go beyond her greatness as a player, and speak more to the personal values like hard work, character, and positivity that they will miss when she’s gone.
What would it take for you to make that kind of impact? On your team, in your club, at your part-time job, with your group or organization—what would you have to do to make people speak so wonderfully about you, the difference you made, and how much you’ll be missed when you move on?
Impact and legacy last much longer than individual accolades do.
Good things waiting
I can’t imagine a more effective public relations strategy for colleges than the one that occurs naturally when their students arrive home for the holidays. Just about all of them will be gushing with stories about their lives on campus, what they’re learning, who they’re meeting, etc.
For students who are still in high school, I wish there were an effective way to juxtapose these happy and fulfilled college students today with their former high school selves.
You’d likely see that plenty of them had the same stresses, disappointments, and frustrations that have sadly become so common in the college admissions process. From narrowly-missed A’s, to test scores that just wouldn’t break the desired barrier, to disappointing decisions from their most desirable colleges, these students have all been where today’s high school students are.
And yet here they are today, happy, excited, and proud of where they go to school. It’s not because they are just a lucky rare few for whom things work out. The truth is that when you have so many great colleges from which to choose, just about everybody ends up someplace where they can have a fulfilling and enjoyable four years.
Are there exceptions? Sure. Things sometimes don’t work out between a student and a college, often for reasons that could never have been predicted. Jobs, relationships, and life work very much the same way. But those situations, thankfully, are the exception. An initial adjustment to—followed by a fully-fledged enjoyment of—college is far more the norm.
High school students and their parents, I hope you’ll pay attention to what those current college students are saying when they’re home. And I hope you’ll take that as evidence that there are good things waiting for you on the other side of all of this college-planning pandemonium, no matter which school you ultimately decide to call home for four years.
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