When kids tell the best stories

Today I’m doing my annual essay workshop for the Collegewise families in our Bellevue, Washington, office. In the early years of Collegewise, I was in front of families 2-3 times a week to discuss some element of college planning. And while those opportunities are a lot more infrequent now that Collegewise has grown and my responsibilities have changed so much, the essay session is always my favorite because I’m trying to change the parents’ behaviors even more than I am the kids’.

Parents and college essays tend to be a bad mix. That might not be true if you’re a parent who really knows how to write and you’re helping someone you’re not related to. But when it’s your own child, it’s just impossible to be an objective, non-biased voice. You’re too close to the subject matter to be an impartial observer.

Adults also see the world differently than kids do. You’ve lived long enough to add learning and experiences and perspective to your worldview. But a college admissions officer wants to better understand the applicant and what makes them tick. They want to learn more about what it was like to be the worst swimmer on the swim team and why that kid slogged through it anyway. They want to learn more about why there’s so much pressure on the kid who ran the lights for the school play, or what it felt like to step in for the first chair oboist, or how life changed when the teenager gave up after-school sports to help care for the new baby brother in the house.

Colleges aren’t interested in the adult’s version of those events. They want the 17-year-old’s take, the story as told by the kid who lived it.

Those stories won’t have the same perspective and wisdom that an adult would have brought to it, but that’s what makes college essays so fascinating. A not-yet-fully-grown adult with their whole life in front of them shares a snapshot of what their life is like today. The more it sounds like an idea that was conceived, over-edited, or worse, written by the parent, the less compelling that story will be.

So parents, as your students move into college application season over the next several months, as much as possible, step back during the college essay process. Encourage your kids to get advice from someone they like and respect, like an English teacher or a counselor, and let that person do their job. Then get back to doing yours—cheerleading, supporting from the sidelines, and most importantly, being the parent of a college applicant.

For this particular audience, kids tell their stories better than their parents can.