Whether you’re a student who needs help from a teacher, a counselor who’s navigating a conversation that’s more difficult than you’d anticipated, or a parent who’s facing conflict in your work or organization, start with, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
I must not be understanding this right.
I’m not doing a good job explaining this.
I should have told you more about this sooner.
Then ask for help.
Can you help me see what I’m missing?
How can I do a better job?
What information would be helpful for you to have before we go any further?
Now, you’ve changed the interaction. Instead of putting the other party on the defensive, you’re now inviting them to work towards a mutual resolution. And working together is easier than competing to win.
You might not, in fact, be at fault. But if you start by assuming that you are, it makes it easier for the other party to see that it just might be them.