Not measured by grades and test scores

In Teach Your Children Well: Why Values and Coping Skills Matter More Than Grades, Trophies, or “Fat Envelopes,” author Madeline Levine points out that it’s both unrealistic and unfair to expect our children will excel at everything given that all of us are average at many things. She argues that while parents who celebrate the inherent uniqueness of their kids move their children forward, those who insist on an unrealistic specialness, who argue with teachers or coaches, or who push kids past their limits ultimately hinder their children’s progress.

Here’s her response, as shared in this interview, to a question about how she would respond to a parent who insists that their kids will fall behind and fail to reach their full potential unless a parent pushes or even intervenes with teachers or coaches.

“How do people get to be successful?  Research shows us that the most successful people work really hard, that they have qualities of persistence, resilience, determination, and flexibility.  They have to be bright, but they don’t have to be brilliant.  For example, I went to state university.  This idealization of the Ivy League is misplaced, and I think it’s a defense against the fact that here’s the reality: there’s a bell curve in terms of general intelligence, and most of our kids are going to be average, even if we’re smart ourselves.”

Average in one or more areas does not mean inherently unremarkable. And persistence, resilience, determination, and flexibility aren’t measured by grades and test scores.