Every good parent feels a responsibility to set a good example for their kids. Depending on your values and your worldview, those examples might include:
Hard work
Fulfilling your responsibilities
Treating people right
Commitment to your school or church or community
Prioritizing family
All of those can be effective and laudable examples. But remember that kids also need to learn how to respond to the world when it doesn’t go as they planned.
What about the last time you failed, or were disappointed, or missed out on something you really believed you deserved?
Did you talk with your kids about it? Did they see for themselves how Mom or Dad felt—and what you did—when you didn’t get the promotion, or were turned down for the loan, or felt embarrassed at work or in a social setting?
You might be tempted to hide these moments from your kids. But as much as they may behave otherwise, teens learn from their parents. They observe what you do and how you do it. And they particularly appreciate when the values you espouse are matched by your actions.
The parent who doesn’t get the promotion and then uses it as an opportunity to evaluate their work or their job is setting a good example.
The parent who was turned down for the loan, acknowledges the disappointment, and then sets out to find the most productive way forward, even if it’s not the path they’d envisioned, is setting a good example.
The parent who was embarrassed by someone else’s judgmental comment, who acknowledges how it made them feel but then resolves not to be anyone other than themselves, is setting a good example.
Your teens will notice even if they seem to not pay attention. They’ll learn by your doing even if they can’t do it themselves right away. They’ll appreciate it even if they don’t say so.
And your examples will help them be more successful before, during, and after college.
Sometimes the worst experiences let you set the best examples.