If you’ve got an older brother or sister in the house who’s going through the college application process, you might feel like the only thing you can do is watch passively from the sidelines until it’s your turn to apply. But there are actually things you can do to help your sibling now, and yourself later. Here are five suggestions.
1. Use this time as an opportunity to learn.
One of the most useful parts of watching an older sibling apply to and eventually attend college is that you can learn from their experiences. Now, you might not be all that interested in tuning in to hear them talk about tests or applications or essays. But someday not all that long from now, you’ll be immersed in your own college search and application process. Anything you learn now can only make you savvier when it’s your turn. In fact, I’ve seen many students reference their older siblings’ experiences when essay prompts or interviewers ask why the applicant is interested in a particular school.
2. Be patient with your sibling and your parents.
You might have noticed some changes in your family over the last few months. Are they more stressed? Does it seem like all they talk about is college? Does it feel like some members of the family have lost their focus on what you’re doing? Not all families experience this kind of admissions-related stress and anxiety (in fact, we preach at Collegewise that the process doesn’t have to be that way). But it’s very real for those who do, and it’s not uncommon for some shrapnel to land on the younger siblings. It’s not fair, but the good news is that it will pass. And when it’s your turn, you’ll get your own doses of attention (hopefully with less anxiety). So if you can, be patient with your sibling and your parents.
3. Be your sibling’s respite from admissions talk.
One of the best things you can do for your sibling is not talk about college at all unless they bring it up first. For many of you, this might not be a stretch, especially if you’re absolutely sick of hearing about essays and applications and deadlines all the time. But I mention it here because it’s good to know when any of us are actually doing something helpful for someone we love. Don’t feel like you’re failing your sibling if you default to talking about football, movies, music, or whatever else you’d talk about outside of college season. Be the sibling you’ve always been, not yet another person in their life who’s fixated on college.
4. Celebrate their admissions decisions.
This is advice that we give to parents all the time. An offer of admission from a college, even one from a college that’s not high on a student’s dream list, deserves to be acknowledged and celebrated. And parents aren’t the only ones who can really lift an applicant’s spirits by joining in. When an acceptance arrives, be excited for your sibling. Offer sincere congratulations, a hug, a high-five–anything at all that shows you’re happy for your big brother or sister. They might act like they don’t care at all what you (or your parents) think. But trust me, they’ll notice (and remember) it.
5. Consider how you want your future process to look.
Watching an older sibling go through their own college process is like a sneak preview of what yours could be like. But brothers and sisters are different people, and there’s no law saying that you have to approach the process the same way. Which parts of your sibling’s process looked enjoyable? Which parts looked difficult? What would you do the same, and more importantly, what would you like to do differently when it’s your turn? For example, you might think that traveling to visit colleges looks like an exciting thing that you’ll partake in when it’s your turn. But if you watched your sibling frantically struggle to complete their applications in time for the deadlines, that’s probably something you’d like to avoid. The more you use this time to observe, to learn, and to consider what you want your college process to be like, the more likely you are to get the experience you want when it’s your turn.