Some families respond to college admissions anxiety with too much of a good thing. Here are five examples of actions that start with good intentions but have unintended consequences when taken in large doses.
1. Too much assistance.
Students need to take responsibility for their own college application process. When Mom or Dad picks all the schools, completes the applications, calls the colleges with questions, etc., they’re sending a message to colleges and to their kids that this is not an applicant who’s ready for college. Parents can advise, support, and help applicants stay organized. And you should certainly be involved (and probably lead) the financial discussions. But in the college application process, too much assistance usually leads to the opposite of your desired outcome.
2. Too many reach schools.
I’ve got no problem with a student taking a shot at a few schools where the odds of admission are slim as long as they’d genuinely consider attending if admitted. But some students apply to a long list of reach schools in the hopes that it will increase their chances of being admitted to one. But this lottery logic doesn’t work. Applying to that many schools just increases your workload without increasing your odds. Apply to a balanced list of schools so your biggest risk will be too many acceptances and offers of financial aid to choose from next spring.
3. Too much essay feedback.
When too many people give you feedback about your essays, especially when they don’t know anything about admissions or college essays, it’s like having five coaches of varying experience shout contradictory advice from the sidelines. You’ll just end up confused and you’ll probably play worse. I’ve seen this happen too many times when a student shows their essay to anyone who’s willing to read it and then struggles to somehow incorporate all of the feedback. It always chips away at the quality and ends with an essay that reads like it was written by a committee. Applicants should absolutely seek essay advice from a few (1-2) trusted and knowledgeable sources, like a high school counselor, English teacher, or qualified private counselor. But don’t assume that feedback from even more people will lead to an even better essay.
4. Too much information.
Some applicants try to impress colleges by sharing as much information as possible. They present long lists of activities that include even the briefest and oldest involvements. They’ll include unsolicited extra materials like resumes and letters of recommendation. Some will even forward press clippings and copies of awards they’ve received. But the college admissions process is a classic case where quality will always win out over quantity. Even the most qualified applicant becomes harder to identify when their most meaningful, impressive, interesting accomplishments are buried in a pile of less important information. Share what you’ve done and what you’re proud of. Do it clearly and forcefully—this is no time to be bashful. But remember that admissions officers are human beings with limited attention spans. Don’t dilute that already strained focus with too much information.
5. Too much comparison.
Some families approach college admissions like a status competition. Grades, test scores, colleges applied to and the ensuing results—everything becomes a comparison of how their applicant stacks up against others at school or on the block. Parents and kids who are going through the college admissions process should talk about it with each other. A sure way to relieve admissions anxiety is to remind yourself that you’re not alone and that other people share your stress. But once you start keeping score and comparing, you’ve moved from good conversation to bad comparison.