My senior year of high school, I was the goalkeeper on our soccer team that lost the league championship to a team that, based on records, we had to beat twice to take home the title. We won the first game after four overtimes and a penalty kick shootout in which I saved the final game-winning penalty kick. But we lost the second, and the championship, on a savable shot. When I walked into the house after the game, the only thing my dad did was start applauding right there in the living room. Thanks, Pop.
An Open Letter to My Dad, who Makes Me Want to Quit Sports wasn’t actually written by a kid. The author is John O’Sullivan, Founder and CEO of the group Changing the Game Project, whose mission is to, as they put it, “…put the ‘play’ back in ‘play ball.’” But it’s pretty clear that as a player and a coach, O’Sullivan knows what it’s like when a young athlete feels like his or her parent refuses to just watch the game and instead insists on coaching from the stands, yelling at the refs, and delivering an intensive post-game analysis on the car ride home.
I thought this portion was particularly appropriate for parents whose kids are going through the college admissions process. Yes, this is a sports example, but too many parents forget that the anxiety, judgement, and rejection that often come with applying to college—these things are happening to the kids, not to the parents. The parents’ job is to support, cheer (not yell) from the sidelines, and make it clear that their love and pride isn’t dependent on a winning outcome.
“It’s confusing when you are still upset about the loss hours after a game. How long is it appropriate to be sad and angry? I mean, I am the one who played, right? We are supposed to win some and lose some if we play good teams, right? We got beat, but now we have to move on and get ready for the next game. I am not sure how staying angry will help me get better for the next game. I certainly don’t feel like learning much immediately after a loss. The best thing you can do after a game is tell me you are proud of me for competing, and showing good sportsmanship, and that you love to watch me play.”
For parents of athletes, O’Sullivan’s 14-minute TED Talk is worth viewing, too.