Something starts happening around this time of year for counselors working with seniors and their families. As application season moves into full swing, some families seem to listen less to the counselors who’ve been there, and start seeking (and taking) new advice from other sources.
They add or remove colleges from the list on the advice of friends or family members.
They enlist second (or third, or fourth) college essay opinions, often from people who don’t work in admissions or counseling.
They push to include extra letters of recommendation, to create unsolicited resumes, and to take other steps that veer away from following the application instructions.
While actions like these are almost always 1) ineffective and 2) anxiety-producing, I don’t begrudge families taking them. College admissions can be a stressful and uncertain time. It’s only human for some people to feel—and to take action—in ways that they might not under normal circumstances.
But I would like to remind families of one key concept—who will also take responsibility for their advice?
I’ve written about this before, but for today, I’ll just ask (again)—if your admissions process isn’t successful, however you define that success, who will be there to take responsibility with you? Will your friend, neighbor, uncle, or other source stand next to you and share ownership for the outcome?
I think that’s an important distinction. Advice is a risk-free venture if the advisor immediately releases all responsibility for the outcome. But those who are in it for the long haul, who committed to the totality of your outcome, they’ve got the most incentive to share advice they can stand behind.
I’m not suggesting that a denial from a dream college means that someone is to blame. But whoever gave you advice should be willing to own up and answer for it even the day that bad news arrives.
It’s the student’s college admissions process, one that is shared first with the student’s family. And families, you have the right to approach it in any way that you wish, including seeking advice from anyone you choose.
But make the distinction—and the choice—about who will share the responsibility in addition to their advice.
And for counselors facing these situations, here’s a past post that might help.