I wrote a post yesterday for parents about dropping their kids off at college. Today, I’m returning to that topic, but this time, for the students.
I don’t recall what I said to my parents when they dropped me off at college, but I remember it being an entirely pleasant exchange. My new roommate, on the other hand, had a very different experience.
I was there in the dorm room when he and his parents said their goodbyes. It turns out they’d just spent nine hours in a car together driving to the campus. They were all understandably tired and irritable. His parents had suppressed those frustrations so they could enjoy their final minutes with him (before they drove back home for another nine hours). But he let his irritability get the best of him, and he barely managed a halfhearted hug before he practically pushed them out the door.
We’re still close friends today, which is how I know that more than 25 years later, he still feels guilty about that exchange back in our freshman dorm.
No matter what your current relationship is like with your parents, whether you’re scared to leave them or can’t wait to get out of the house, you won’t know what it feels like to say goodbye to your son or daughter and leave them behind at college until you do it with your own kids.
Yes, this is an exciting time. Yes, it’s your life and it’s time for you to start living it. Yes, this is probably what they’ve wanted for you since you were first born, to send you to college and watch you become a happy, successful, college-educated adult.
And I know it’s not goodbye forever. You’ll be texting, phoning, emailing, and visiting on your holidays. You’re not moving to Mars—you’re going to college. It may not seem like such a big deal.
But trust me, that drop-off day is a heartbreaker for your parents. So I invite you to learn from my former roommate’s mistake that he still regrets today.
No matter how you’re feeling on move-in day, no matter what’s happened leading up to it, no matter how much you may want your parents to stop rearranging your stuff or asking you questions or just generally trying to parent you more than you’d like, swallow it and be nice. Then:
1. Express how happy and excited you are to start college.
2. Thank them for everything they’ve done for you.
3. Tell them that you love them and will miss them.
Use your own words. Mix it up in any order. Add in your own twists if you’d like. Just get the sentiments right.
It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it will be to your parents.
And 25 years from now, you’ll be glad you did it.