I’ve written before that some of the worst people to listen to when it comes to college admissions advice are your friends and neighbors. College admissions isn’t exactly astrophysics, but there are plenty of people—high school counselors, college admissions officers, and private counselors—who are much better qualified to advise your family on something as important as getting into college.
But I’d like to make a small amendment to that recommendation. Go ahead and seek advice from friends and neighbors…whose kids went through the process 5, or 10, or 20 years ago.
I know what some of you are thinking.
But they won’t know the latest information! They won’t know if applying early decision will improve my kid’s chances, or if these ACT scores are good enough, or if UCLA needs trombone players…
You’re right. They’ll have no idea, which is exactly why you shouldn’t listen to them or to your friends who are currently in the process. What they can give you is some longer-term perspective.
People whose kids have long since completed the process and graduated from college might tell you their daughter was devastated when Northwestern said no, but found collegiate love at Penn State. They might tell you that Dream School U wasn’t so perfect after all. And yes, they might tell you that they made mistakes that could have been prevented, mistakes of the parenting or admissions variety.
And you’ll probably see quickly that while they recall their lives during the college preparation phase, they’re much more excited—and happy to discuss—where their kids are today. That’s where the good stuff really is.
College admissions may feel like an arms race where your children’s future happiness and success are at stake. But it’s really just a phase. An important phase, yes–one that deserves to be given care and attention from students, parents, and qualified professionals. But the ride to college can and should be an exciting time for your family. You’re only going to do this once with each of your kids, and like so many phases, it will be over before you know it.
Your friends and neighbors don’t know what your student should be writing her college essay about. But if they’ve already put kids through college, if they’re already on the other side of this phase and enjoying the next one where they parent a young (or older) adult, then they’ve been where you are, and they are where you’re going. Those are experts worth listening to.