When my 17-month-old son let loose an indescribable amount of vomit during a flight to San Francisco last week, it was easy to tell which of our fellow passengers had already raised kids of their own. They offered sympathetic looks, generous helpings of napkins and water bottles, and some encouraging words, my favorite of which was,
“This is something you’ll laugh with him about when he’s 16.”
Every parent has those stories–the tales of parental challenge and horror that seem so terrible at the time, but in reality are just temporary turbulence on an otherwise joyful journey.
The journey through high school can feel so high stakes, as if every grade, every test score, every decision takes your kids either one step closer to, or farther from, a desired college admissions destination. It’s no wonder so many families approach it like something to survive, rather than savor. The D+ on the biology exam, the test scores that defied your chosen course’s guaranteed improvements, the teenage missteps that make you wonder how you raised a child who could make such a decision—I know it’s hard to find humor in them when kids are 16.
But the truth is that most of the bumps are just temporary.
When your kids are 26 and 36 and 56, you’ll laugh together at the way that D+ proved he didn’t have a speck of scientific ability. You’ll joke about how fortunate she is that her professional success wasn’t tied to senseless standardized tests like those she took in high school. And your kids will have no choice but to shake their heads at some of their own high school behavior while simultaneously wondering if there’s any way to prevent their own kids from making the same choices.
Our children’s education is important. It deserves a parent’s time, attention, and sacrifice. And of course, there are some limitations, challenges, and decisions that are no laughing matter, now or later. I hope you and your kids don’t experience those, as most college admissions concerns pale in comparison.
But after watching so many families go through this process, and after seeing not just what happened at 16, but also where those kids ended up in college and beyond, I promise you that most of the college admissions anxiety will not only pass, but will ultimately prove to have caused far more worry than necessary.
If the high school bumps arrive, find some solace in just how many parents have been where you are now with their own children, pretty much all of whom eventually emerged unscathed. And look forward to that inevitable day when you’ll laugh with your kids about what ultimately proved to be temporary turbulence.