If I had to pick one high school group that most frequently shows the signs of stress, sleep deprivation, and college-preparation burnout, it’s the juniors as they approach the end of 11th grade (followed closely by seniors in the middle of application season).
Juniors have heard from everyone that 11th grade is the most important year for college admissions. So they’re taking rigorous classes. They’ve got SAT/ACT prep. They’re facing AP tests, and for many, SAT Subject Tests. Most juniors are still going strong with activities, and all of this happens before they take final exams and finally close out the year. It’s a lot to demand of a 17-year-old.
For the parents of these juniors, I have just one message—please don’t underestimate the power of a pat on the back.
Parents often get sucked into the college admissions craze in the laudable vein of supporting their kids’ dreams. So you offer up the tutors at the first sign of academic distress. You ask how the community service project is going and whether or not it’s likely they’ll be named captain of their ice hockey team. You inquire about grades and take them to college fairs and recommend they attend summer programs because someone told you it will help them get into their dream college. It almost always comes from a good place.
But teenagers are still kids. And kids need to be reminded occasionally that their parents appreciate them for who they are, not just for their college admissions qualifications. And if all your conversations involve measuring, advising, and managing, it’s easy for your kids to get the impression that they’re constantly on the verge of letting you down.
So before you ask them if the chemistry grade is improving or how they scored on their last ACT practice test, let them know that you’re proud of how hard they’ve been working. Tell them you appreciate how nice they are to their siblings and how trustworthy they’ve proven themselves to be. You might think your love and pride are obvious. But assume that’s not the case and give them a pat on the back anyway. A little overcompensating in this area isn’t the worst thing. Your acknowledgement and encouragement are just what many juniors are in desperate need of this time of year.
The next time you’re tempted to push, offer them a boost instead.