My guess is that not many parents can say that you’re the same person today that you were when you were seventeen (only older). Sure, our high school selves may have started to reveal the person we would eventually grow up to be. And our own parents would probably point out that some of our traits were there from the beginning. But the truth is that most high school students have a long way to go before they become who they’re eventually going to be.

I was reminded of this today when I heard from a student whom I held a single meeting with 13 years ago. He was completely disengaged in school and his mother was looking for guidance. It was clear that he had no interest in going to college or working with a college counselor. When I asked him what he’d like to be doing with his time after graduation, his answer was, “I’d like to move to the beach with my buddies and get a band going” (he’d never played a musical instrument).

Today, he’s a college graduate with a degree in accounting, and a senior manager at a global accounting firm.

Granted, that’s a pretty big turnaround, maybe one that’s atypical. But the reality is that while some adults can claim to have clearly envisioned and (then forged) their future at age seventeen, most did not. They made their way, they had good and bad experiences, they succeeded and failed, and eventually, they landed at their future self in life. It might not have been arbitrary. The path might even make sense in retrospect. But those paths don’t often reveal themselves in high school.

I can’t expect any parent to turn off your concern about your child’s future. You want them to be happy and successful and fulfilled.

Maybe your seventeen-year-old is mature and driven and off to a great start.  That’s a good sign.

But if that’s not your student, you can remove a lot of pressure and anxiety from the college admissions process if you remember that (1) they’re just high school kids, and (2) they’re not fully formed yet.

Who they are today isn’t necessarily who they’ll be tomorrow.