Mid-October is when admissions anxiety really ramps up for many seniors and their parents. Deadlines are coming. Pressure is mounting. And with every parental inquiry (“Have you finished your Common App essay?”), many students are reluctant to give a full report of their (lack of) progress. I’d like to offer some insights for both parents and students, and then recommend a strategy to move forward.
First, for parents, it’s important to understand just how much pressure your student might be feeling and how that can paralyze some kids to a point of inaction. Staring at a blank college application or essay that a student knows will later be judged and used to render a decision is a difficult circumstance for even the most disciplined teen, and many of them are simply waiting for what they hope is creative inspiration, which frustratingly becomes less likely to appear the closer they get to the impending deadline.
Now, for students, while your parents may seem to be nagging you to your wit’s end, in almost every case, it comes from a good place. They want to see you relieved of application pressure and ultimately admitted to a college you love. When your progress seems to be stalled, they worry that you’re not going to get all those things you both want. Yes, their persistent checking-in can actually exacerbate the pressure you’re feeling, but chances are that they’re really just trying to help.
So for both parties, consider having a state-of-the-nation for college applications. There are two keys to making this successful.
First, ask the right questions:
1. What’s been completed?
2. What’s left to be done?
3. What troubles or questions does the student have, and where might he or she go to get the answers?
4. How can we (the parents) best help you at this point? Note: Do not jump in and do the work for them. However, organizing, prioritizing, offering helpful feedback or advice—those are all within the boundaries and even encouraged by the colleges themselves.
Second, follow some important state-of-the-nation ground rules, which you should agree on in advance.
There should be no blaming, no regrets, no finger-pointing or otherwise unproductive exchanges during your state-of-the-nation. Don’t let your conversation degenerate into a discussion of what should have been done differently (or not done at all)—that’s not helpful for your desired outcome. Instead, focus on where you are today, what you need to do, and how you can get it all done in the best way possible.