I’ve frequently heard parents express the sentiment that relieving pressure on their student isn’t the challenge they’re facing, which usually sounds something like, “My son spends more time playing video games than doing homework. I wish he felt pressured to succeed!” Fair point. For those families, I’d only tell you that this is not necessarily indicative of the future. Lots of kids underperform in high school only to flourish later, particularly if they find and attend the right college. And if you were to revoke video gaming privileges until homework is completed each day, you could hardly be taken to task for applying too much pressure.
But I’m also seeing more frequent stories in the press about adverse—even tragic—effects on today’s teens from the intense pressure to succeed. If you’ve got a driven student at home, one of the most productive things you can do is to be a pressure equalizer in your house. The more pressure students put on themselves, the more you should try to relieve and equalize it.
Let’s say your straight-A student who regularly stays up till all hours studying brings home a B on an exam. You could immediately address (what can loosely be called) the problem. You could diagnose why she missed questions, speak to the teacher, or hire a tutor. But those actions only reinforce that perfection is the only acceptable outcome. And those actions increase a pressure that is clearly already at a high point. That’s not good for machines, and it’s certainly not good for your son or daughter.
The other option is to relieve the pressure. Remind your student how proud you are of her work ethic, that her effort is more important to you than the specific outcome. Don’t let the grade determine for you or for her whether or not she’s deserving of parental praise.
The pressure is already there for driven students because they are putting the pressure on themselves, and it can be more healthily maintained if you help to equalize it.