In the quest to give their kids every potential admissions advantage, many parents enlist (or accept offers of) help from personal or professional connections—the alum, the colleague who claims to have influence, the friend-of-a-friend who reportedly sits on the board, etc. I understand their inclination. It’s hard not to be intrigued when a friend or colleague who claims to have some influence at a particular school offers to write a letter of recommendation or otherwise put in a good word. If every little bit might help, what’s the worst that could happen?
First, here’s a harsh truth many families don’t want to hear—most “connections” have absolutely no bearing on admissions decisions. The 24-year-old admissions officer reading the file isn’t moved by the fact that your close personal friend attended the school and is willing to write a letter of support. Those letters rarely offer insight that can’t be gleaned from the application and the supporting teacher/counselor recommendations. In fact, in 15 years of running Collegewise, I know of only two examples where a student was admitted to college because of an influential connection to the school. In both cases, the influence came in the form of funding a new building on campus. Unless the school’s vital interests are at stake, employing a connection is the admissions version of a wild swing.
There are also risks to employing connections. Sending unsolicited letters of recommendation can take the focus off the other important parts of the application. In fact, some schools won’t read more than the requested number of letters—if you send extra, they won’t read them all, and even worse, you won’t get to control which ones they read. And utilizing connections can put even more pressure on the applicant who doesn’t want to disappoint the people who are waging a campaign on his or her behalf.
Still, it’s hard for parents (and I’m one of them now) to turn off their desire to help their kids in any way possible. So here are a few things to consider before employing a connection during the admissions process.
1. Check each school’s application requirements.
Are personal letters of rec required or even invited? The first rule of successful college applications is to follow the directions. Sending unsolicited documents puts the student at risk of annoying admissions officers who are tired and overworked at this time of year.
2. Does the connection actually have influence?
Someone who actually has legitimate influence with a college isn’t likely to 1) offer that help casually, or 2) flaunt it at a dinner party. Instead, they’ll be selective about whom they help and specific about why and how they can do so. It’s the difference between:
“I’ve got some pull. I’d be happy to write a letter for your son.”
and
“I’ve been an alumni interviewer for 15 years, and I work very closely with the admissions office. If your son is legitimately interested, I’d be happy to talk with him and see if there might be something I could do to help. Have him call me and we can set a time to meet.”
See the difference? The first offer is part bluster. The second is a specific offer that’s tempered by the request to actually speak to the applicant first.
3. Be aware of the message you’re sending to your kids.
There’s a fine line between making your kids feel supported and making them feel like the stakes are being raised yet again. Remember that teens are summarizing their lives in applications only to be judged by a committee of people who’ve never met them. It’s stressful enough without feeling like they’re at risk of letting yet another person down if a denial arrives. Parents’ intentions are almost always good in this area, but it’s important to be sensitive to the college applicant in the house. Instead of forging ahead and employing your connection, ask your student if he or she wants you to do this. That will help you make sure that any help you accept is actually welcome.