For parents with teens going through the college admissions process, one of the best gifts you can give is that of no judgment.
Today’s teenagers are being evaluated, measured, and judged more than ever before. Their grades in school; their performance on the field, at auditions, or in elections; their college admissions outcomes—they’re constantly receiving feedback as to whether they’ve exceeded, met, or fallen below expectations.
Not all of this is bad. Teens need to learn that we’re all accountable for our performance in some way, as professionals, as parents, as colleagues, and even as friends. But it’s hard to imagine too many adult scenarios where the measurement is so constant and the stakes seem so high as that of the student going through the college admissions process.
So one of the best gifts you can give, even in just individual scenarios, is freedom from that judgment.
If your student studies hard for a test and gets a C, tell him you’re sorry and that you saw how hard he worked to prepare for it.
If your student wants to quit the volleyball team, let your first concern be for the player who’s lost her love for the game, not for the potential loss of a college admissions advantage.
Remind them that your feelings towards them are not dependent on GPAs, test scores, or admissions decisions from colleges. Give them regular space to just be a kid.
Do this often enough and you’ll probably see a happier, more communicative, and more enthusiastic student…and teen.