If you’d spent months planning the outdoor wedding of your dreams, only to wake up on the big day to find it was raining, you’d be left with only two options. You could curse Mother Nature and stubbornly refuse to embrace any wedding that doesn’t precisely match your original vision. Or you could accept that the weather is beyond your control. You could focus on the bigger picture—that getting married is what’s really important. And you could then get on with making the necessary adjustments so you and your guests will stay dry.

Your disappointment would be understandable, and you certainly couldn’t be faulted for planning the wedding of your dreams. But most rational people would agree that given the circumstances, option 2 is the logical and productive path.

One of the most difficult things for families to come to terms with in the college admissions process is that you ultimately don’t control the outcomes. Students can certainly influence them with their qualifications and with the quality of their applications. But you cannot will your dream school to say yes. Futile efforts to do so lead to frustration and to admissions disappointment.

Nobody would begrudge a hard-working student for having a dream school. But the more selective the school, the more you’ll need to accept that like the weather on your wedding day, even the most intensive planning and preparing won’t give you control of the admissions decision. The earlier you focus on the bigger picture—the fact that there are plenty of colleges where you can learn, grow, and have fun—the more confident you’ll be during the entire process. And the more prepared you’ll be to welcome option 2 if necessary.