I was at my best friend’s house when he received his letter from Notre Dame during our senior year of high school. He’d already been accepted to all of his other colleges, and when he opened the letter and shared the good news, all his dad said was,
“OK. Well, now you have to commit to one.”
I’m sure there were any number of reasons why his dad’s reaction seemed so muted (the potential price tag being one of them). But when Dad left the room, I remember saying to my buddy, “Dude. Does your dad not get that you just got into $%@# Notre Dame???”
I haven’t seen a lot of parents temper their excitement when an acceptance arrives from a prestigious college like Notre Dame. But I have seen plenty who, when acceptances arrive from schools they expected would admit their student, withhold their excitement in anticipation of the big acceptance from the dream school. Yes, they often do that because their kids seem to be doing the same thing. But kids take cues from parents, and your response sets a tone for how your family will progress through this potentially stressful time. That’s why we remind our Collegewise parents to celebrate every acceptance, even one from a safety school.
Colleen from our Bay Area office shares this article about the way successful couples connect over each other’s good news. And I think there’s a lot of application here for parents as your kids start to get acceptance letters.
Let’s say an acceptance arrives from a safety school. There are lots of ways to respond.
“Really? Nothing from Penn? The neighbor’s kid already heard.”
“OK. That’s good. Now we just have to wait and see what Michigan says.”
(While distracted by something else) “Oh, that’s great honey.”
Those responses don’t acknowledge that getting into college—any college—is a big deal. I’m not suggesting you should be insincere. But this is a huge bright spot in an otherwise stressful time. Amplify it! Show your student that you’re the proud parent of a college-bound senior.
I preach often here that one key to college admissions sanity is to focus on the elements that you can actually control. You don’t get to control what news arrives. But you can control how you respond. When it’s good news, use it as a chance to inject some celebration into your senior’s life.