I got an email last week from a former Collegewise parent. What she wrote didn’t surprise me at all, but it completely made my week.
She and her husband put four kids through our Collegewise program. As is often the case with siblings, these kids were very different from each other. They ran the gamut in terms of their academic achievements (from A’s to C’s), their chosen activities, and their personalities. And they attended four very different colleges—from an Ivy League school to a school that accepts almost everyone who applies.
But these four very different siblings had one thing in common—they were good kids. These were the kinds of kids who would voluntarily show up to cheer on their siblings at their respective events. They each did their best in school albeit with different results. They were nice to their fellow teens. They were always polite and respectful with adults. They loved their family and were beaming happily in the annual holiday card photo we’d receive. Not surprisingly, their wildly different GPAs, test scores, and college options did not change the unconditional love and pride they all received equally from their parents.
Their mother’s email to me detailed how well each of them is doing. Three are successful professionals about to get married and start families of their own soon. One is in his senior year of college and enjoys being spoiled when he visits his big sisters.
But she signed off with the most important update of all:
“The kids are happy and healthy, and I am blessed.”
In that one sentence, she summed up what I have to imagine is every parent’s biggest hope for their kids—that they are happy and healthy.
The stress of the college admissions process can make you feel like a GPA, test score, or decision from a particular college will fundamentally impact your kids’ ability to be happy and healthy in the future. It won’t.
Admissions anxiety might occasionally make you feel like the outcomes are somehow a measure of your parenting. They’re not.
The entire process can feel like a high-stakes, escalating arms race where all but the highest achievers will emerge unscathed. It isn’t.
There’s a lot to focus on when you’re a parent. And there are times when GPAs and test scores and other parts of the process will demand some of your attention. But don’t lose sight of the most important goal of all—to raise happy and healthy kids.
The GPA and test scores and even admissions decisions will fade. But the happiness and health have staying power.