I preach often on this blog that families should worry less during the college admissions process, especially about factors that are beyond their control.
But is all worry necessarily a bad thing?
I judge the value of worry by the behavior it inspires. It’s hard to find fault with worry if you quit smoking because you’re worried you’ll get cancer. When a student studies harder because he’s worried about his trig midterm, or a parent saves more money because they’re worried about paying for college, those are healthy behaviors. Those worries aren’t so bad.
But…
- Forcing your student to volunteer at a hospital because you’re worried he doesn’t have enough community service hours;
- Taking the SAT six times because you’re worried your 2100 isn’t good enough for an Ivy League school;
- Quitting the hockey team you love because you worry colleges won’t be impressed by your second-string status;
- Refusing to celebrate the five A’s on your report card because you’re worried the B in trig will hurt your chances at Stanford;
- Transferring your happy student to a different school because you’re worried the current class-rank policy will somehow work against her;
- Applying to seventeen colleges because you’re worried no school will admit you…
Those behaviors aren’t healthy or productive. And neither is the worry that’s causing them.
Worry isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But if you want a litmus test to see whether your worry is well-placed, evaluate the behavior it’s inspiring. If you don’t feel good about the actions your worry is causing, it’s time to make some changes.