Parents have an important role to play when admissions news arrives—to model mature, healthy behavior for your student. It’s not always easy (is any part of parenting?), but if you avoid these five mistakes, you’ll be well on your way:
1. Withholding celebration.
Don’t reserve your celebration for an admission from the dream college. Your student needs to know that you’re excited about this next stage in her life regardless of where she goes. And your student will be more likely to be excited if you are.
2. Treating a rejection like a tragedy.
When parents break down and over-react to bad college admissions news, their student just feels even worse. Kids need you to show them a healthy example of how to deal with bad news and move on. The reality is that a rejection from one college is not a tragedy. You can and should be sensitive to their disappointment. You can even allow your student a brief mourning period. But remind them that one college doesn’t have the power to change the outlook of their future (or the way you feel as their parent).
3. Waging a campaign to reverse a denial.
Some parents react to a college’s denial by berating the admissions office, enlisting the help of the counselor to appeal the decision, or trying to enlist the help of alumni friends. I understand that good parents want to make their kids’ dreams come true. But an admissions decision is rarely reversible, and when it is, it almost always is because of new or compelling information, not from parent intervention. And waging your campaign to reverse the decision just takes time away from your more important job of helping your student handle the news maturely and appropriately.
4. Forcing your collegiate opinion on your student.
Parents deserve a say in where your kid goes to college, especially if you’re paying the bill. But remember that it is your student, not you, who has to spend four years wherever she goes. Students have a remarkable ability to sense where they can be happy and successful, and they’re much more likely to do the hard work to get the most out of college if they start at the place they picked for themselves.
5. Forgetting to enjoy this time.
You only get to do this once with each of your kids. Don’t forget to enjoy it. Watching your student receive acceptances, visiting the schools that said yes, making the final decision and sending your student to college—these are huge milestones for parents. Take time to soak it in and relish the fact that you’ve raised a good kid who’s going to college.