Some parents resent the term “helicopter parent” and insist that they just want the best for their kids. Given the investment many parents make on behalf of their students, it’s not unreasonable that some parents want to maintain some control over just what the benefactor of that investment is doing while away at college.
There is nothing wrong with a parent setting expectations for their college student. There is nothing wrong with requesting regular updates or with sharing some parental wisdom when your student experiences challenges and needs help handling them. College doesn’t have to be a sink-or-swim proposition where students are dropped in the deep end of their freshman year and left to fend for themselves with no guidance at all from Mom or Dad.
Helicopter parents go wrong when they move from supervising to taking over. A student performs poorly on a test, so the parent reaches out to the professor and asks what can be done. A student has a disagreement with a roommate, so the parent contacts the housing office and requests a change. A student doesn’t know how to renew a drivers license or make the bed or do laundry, so the parent jumps in and does it for the student.
Rather than supervising from afar, helicopter parents are part manager, part personal assistant, handling everything for their student. While dedicated and certainly well-meaning, the problem with that approach is that students with helicopter parents don’t learn to take care of themselves. Hovering hinders that learning.
A student needs to know how to ask for help. A student needs to know how to handle conflicts, make appointments, and handle personal affairs. They may not do it perfectly the first time, but those stumbles are how kids learn. Instead of taking over, ask your student how he or she plans to handle the situation. You can offer advice, but let your student take the actions. They’ll learn more both in and out of the classroom, and they’ll be more prepared for life after they leave college.