I often make the comment that there is no manual for parenting. From the time you take responsibility for a newborn until the day you ship that former tiny miracle off to college, there is no list of instructions for how to do the job perfectly. So let me reassure you that two parental rules that have always applied, two that you’ve undoubtedly come to know by now, are just as applicable for the parenting of a college applicant:
1. You are obligated to do your very best as a parent.
2. You are not expected to be perfect.
Watching your student go through the college admissions process is stressful. Watching them prepare to leave the nest can be terrifying. Some parents manage it easily, just like some parents never worried too much about bumps and bruises, spotty report cards, or the driving test. But many parents struggle through this time. If you’re in the latter camp, you should know that you’re not alone.
But part of doing your very best as a parent during this time means working as hard as you can to make peace with the fact that this process is not about you—it’s about your kid. Your job is to guide, encourage, cheerlead, support, and love unconditionally. It is not your job to take over the process, to turn the college search into a status competition, to make it all about you, or do anything else that resembles acting like a lunatic. Your teen needs you to be the adult, and more importantly, to be the parent.
So allow yourself to be imperfect. It’s a parental survival tool. But don’t allow yourself to lose sight of your most important parental responsibilities.
Millions of parents have successfully raised kids who’ve gone off to colleges across the country. Does it go perfectly? Almost never. Will it all work out fine? It almost always does.