According to psychologist Marcial Losada, negative interactions have more lasting effect than do positive ones. In fact, Losada’s research showed that it takes three positive comments, experiences, or expressions to overcome the lasting effects of one negative interaction. That means if you want to have a good relationship with a teacher, counselor, club member, teammate, etc., you need to have a 3 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions.
It doesn’t take much effort to have a positive interaction with someone. If a teacher or counselor helps you, give a sincere thank-you, and maybe send an email later expressing your appreciation. When a fellow writer on the school newspaper writes a good article, tell her how much you liked it. Go cheer on your friend at the volleyball game, the school musical, or the debate tournament and offer up a “good job!” at the end. And when you have a negative interaction (we all have them), make an extra effort to inject some positive interactions later to get your ratio back to 3:1.
Positivity is contagious. Not the fake kind where you’re just sucking up—the real kind where you actually care about your interaction with this person. If you want to improve your relationship with someone (or with a lot of people), work on improving your positive to negative interaction ratio.
By the way, the ratio is even more important for leaders because you interact with entire organizations. If you’re the club president, team captain or editor, make a habit of offering up sincere praise, thank yous, or acknowledgement more often. The group's morale and respect for you will probably improve noticeably.