A friend who is volunteering as a mentor for a 7th grader asked me yesterday, “What’s the best way to help a student understand why school is important?” I don’t think there’s an easy answer, but here are things I encouraged her to try, all of which I’d recommend to parents of high school students, too.
1. Emphasize learning.
When school becomes all about grades, standardized tests, and going to college, many students lose sight of why they’re attending school in the first place—to learn. So emphasize the learning. Ask your kids about their favorite teacher and subject. Talk about what they’ve learned and why they find it interesting. And don’t limit those discussions to subjects covered in school. Whether it’s baseball history, computer programming or cooking authentic Italian food, when students appreciate how enjoyable it can be to learn things that interest them, their curiosity will stay fed (and the grades will likely take care of themselves).
2. Praise effort, not results.
Send the message that it’s more important for your student to extend an effort in school than it is for him or her to get straight A’s. Effort is an equal opportunity employer available to everyone from A students to C students. And kids are more likely to thrive when they know that Mom and Dad just want them to try their best. So when you see your student putting time and energy into school, praise the effort. Tell them how proud you are that they’re working hard. They’ll be more likely to keep seeking that praise in the future.
3. Ask them to teach.
One of the best ways to master a subject is to teach it to someone else. So when your student tells you about an enjoyable class, subject or teacher, be interested along with them and ask if they can explain it to you, not as a test to see if they know it, but as a chance to help you understand more about something they’ve learned (play dumb if you have to!). The more you get your student teaching the material to you, the more enjoyable—and more permanent—that learning will be. And showing your student that you enjoy learning new things won’t hurt, either.
4. Focus on strengths, not weaknesses.
This is a recurring theme on my blog for a reason. It’s easy to give attention to those classes and subjects that seem to be weaker areas for your student. But even an adult would tire quickly of a job where your supervisor focused only on the areas where you needed to improve. Instead, make sure you give appropriate acknowledgement to subjects where your student naturally excels. Strengths deserve to be celebrated, not ignored. And helping students appreciate their strengths will give them more academic confidence to take on bigger challenges.
5. Don’t worry.
Lots of successful adults admit to being less than stellar students in junior high, high school, and even college. Yes, a student’s academic future is important. But it takes some kids a little longer to start exerting the effort it takes to get somewhere. You might see a C on a geometry test or a failure to complete homework assignments as choices that are closing doors four or ten or twenty years from now, but remember that there’s not one straight line that leads to a happy and successful life. Keep encouraging learning, praising effort and celebrating strengths. Your kid will be more likely to respond eventually.