Almost all the advice I give to our Collegewise parents about navigating the college admissions process with their kids falls under one of these two principles:
1. Remember that you aren’t applying to college—your kid is.
Some parents respond to the stresses of the college admissions process by taking it all on themselves. But this isn’t happening to you. You’re not the one who’s taking the SATs and trying to get through AP chem and submitting applications so you can be judged by people you’ve never even met. I know that good parents feel connected to what’s happening in your kids’ lives, but I promise you that freaking out with or for them is just going to make everything worse. Take a breath and remember that this is happening to them, not you. It will help you keep calm and be the supportive, encouraging parent your kids need.
2. Make it your job during this time to set an example for your kids.
The fact that your kids are going through this process does not give you an excuse to behave like a crazy person. Your job during this time is to set an example and show your kids how a responsible, healthy, sane adult handles what life throws at us. Don’t fly off the handle and go to battle with a Spanish teacher to get a grade changed. Don’t jump in and write your kid’s college essays or fill out applications for him. And never act like a rejection from any particular college is a life tragedy. You have experience facing stressful situations, making big life transitions, and dealing with disappointment. Now is the time to show your kids how it’s done. Be a supportive voice of reason, a willing listener and an enthusiastic cheerleader. And remind them that no matter which colleges say yes, you’re still going to love them (and your kids will still need to take out the trash when you ask them to).