“He’s seventeen. He’ll screw it up.”

At a high school college night last week, a parent approached me afterwards and said,

"I know I'm not supposed to be filling out my son's applications.  But he's seventeen.  He's procrastinating and leaving it all for the last minute.  I feel like this is just too important for me to let him screw it up." (A phrase referenced often in the book by the former dean of admissions from MIT, Marilee Jones, about how parents should approach the college application process.)

As much as I discourage parents from taking over their kids' college application process, I still understand why even the most well intentioned moms and dads sometimes can't stop themselves.

I understand why, after watching your kid grow up, and saving all those years for his college fund, you'd get nervous when you see him leaving those essays and applications unfinished with the deadlines creeping up.  And when you imagine him losing out on college options all because of seventeen year old procrastination or disorganization, it's hard not to jump in and protect him, and you, from that disappointment.  I get that. 

For those parents, I'd just offer two gentle reminders. 

1.  When your kids go to college, you really are going to have to let them take care of things, both important and unimportant, on their own.  The press writes articles about parents who don't let go then. This is the time to start preparing your kids for that independence.

2.  Taking over the college application process sends a pretty bad message to your kid.  It means you either don't trust him or don't believe he can get into college on his own.  I understand that when a kid plays 5 hours of video games instead of working on his college applications, he's not giving you a lot of reasons to trust him.  Still, the message will be received.

If you're worried that your teen isn't taking the college application process seriously enough, resist the urge to jump in and take it seriously for them.  Instead, be honest about your concerns.  Tell them how excited you are about their college future.  Let them know the efforts you've made to save for their college tuition, and the sacrifices you're willing to make to send them. 

I'm not suggesting you say those things to make your teen feel guilty.  I think a mature teen will appreciate how much emotional and financial investmenet you're willing to make in them. 

Then they might be a little more open to hearing your concerns about the looming deadlines and the lack of application action.