The problem with pleasing everyone

I’ve met countless high school kids with impressive resumes who couldn’t answer a simple question about which activity meant the most to them. Those kids haven’t spent any time considering what would make them happy.  They just spread themselves through a variety of activities and achievements based on what they thought would please other people (and colleges). 

I think those kids are spending far too much time trying to please everyone (especially adults) and not enough time figuring out who they are. 

A lot of high school kids have been taught that if you follow some simple rules, you’ll be successful.  So you study hard.  You have perfect attendance.  You involve yourself in a variety of activities.  You have a good resume.  You don’t say anything that might embarrass you.  You don’t ask questions that might make you look foolish.  You learn what you’re supposed to learn, study for the test, and then move on to the next subjects.  If you do these things, you’ll please everyone, you’ll get into college and you’ll be successful.  Those are the rules.

But here’s the catch.  Trying to please everyone is no way to stand out.  If you don’t believe me, just look at some of the most successful people.

From social revolutionaries like Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela, to business tycoons like Mark Cuban and Richard Branson, to industrial and technological innovators like Henry Ford and the Google Guysthey had a vision of what they wanted to accomplish, and they relentlessly pursued that vision.  If they had spent all their time trying to please those in charge, they probably never would have gotten as far as they did.  I’m not suggesting they went out of their way to defy authority (though some had to).  But pleasing everyone  was never the end goal.  They were motivated by their own passions, by a sense of purpose that was bigger than themselves. 

How much time do you spend just trying to please people? Are you taking classes you hate just so you can get into what you think is a good college Are you playing the piano because your parents want you to?  Are you going to pitching clinics because your coach told you to, or taking vocal classes because your drama teacher said you need them?  Are you doing them because those things make you happy, or are you doing them because other people told you to do them?

Please understand, I’m not advocating that you should brazenly defy authority and just do whatever you want to do.  Your parents, teachers and
coaches deserve your respect, and you’d be burning bridges with people who could really help you achieve your goals.

But I am saying that great leaders, inventors, communicators, organizers, people who make things happen for themselves and those around them, they got that way by identifying and pursuing their own passions.

If you’re a good kid who takes AP classes, gets straight A’s, has high SAT scores, plays the piano, does community service, and is involved in clubs, that’s great.  You’re obviously smart and capable of working hard.  You should be proud of that.

But if you can’t answer a question about your favorite subject, or your favorite activity, or what you do for fun, or what part of college you’re most excited about (these are all things that colleges will ask you, by the way), then you’re a good kid who did all those things because the rules told you to do them.  That doesn’t make you a bad kid.  But lots of kids follow the rules.  If you’re trying to stand out and show your potential to colleges, there are better ways to do it.

The good news is that colleges are on kids’ sides here.  Every admissions officer I’ve ever met steadfastly maintains that a kid who loves what he’s doing, whatever the activity may be, is more appealing than a student with a long list of accomplishments he garnered in an attempt to impress colleges.  Colleges know it’s the passionate kid who’s going to keep doing great things once he gets to college.

So that’s the trade-off.  You can try to please everyone, inevitably sacrifice some of your own happiness and be like every other good kid.  Or you can decide for yourself who you are and what makes you happy, and you can spend your time fulfilling your own goals.

You won’t please everyone, but you’ll please the most important people (people who love you, people who understand you, and colleges that fit you).  And more importantly, you’ll be happy.

It’s your choice.