Search Results for: potential

Big idea payoffs for groups?

Many students, parents, and counselors have likely sat through a meeting dedicated to “brainstorming”—everyone is invited to share ideas with the group, then discussion and debate ensue, all in the hopes that you’ll get that one great new idea for raising funds, recruiting members, solving an existing challenge, etc. Some of these meetings include guidelines like “Refrain from criticizing initially” designed to encourage participation. I’ve even posted a few here.

But as the Harvard Business Review shares, there’s some pretty compelling research to indicate that teams get better ideas, and more of them, when members are invited to brainstorm alone. And it seems like a pretty low-risk experiment for a group to try, with some potentially big idea payoffs.

When great parenting = great managing

The increasing complexity of the college admissions process can occasionally leave parents unclear as to what they should be doing to best support their kids. Yes, we all know to take care of them and to love them unconditionally. But when does supporting them become over-parenting? When does backing off become disengaging from their lives? When does encouraging them to pursue their dreams become pushing them too hard? Much like the job of a great manager is to help their employees be happy and successful at work, an argument could be made that one important job of a great parent is to help kids be happy and successful in life. Here are five ways great parenting looks like great managing.

1. Define what success looks like.
A good manager doesn’t just define the job responsibilities—she defines what success looks like in the role, how it’s measured, and why it’s important to the mission of the company. A great parent can take the same approach with his kids. Rather than create a narrow definition that ties to transcripts and test scores, think of the values you’d like your kids to develop and take with them when they leave the nest, like work ethic, character, curiosity, and kindness. High school is going to end someday, but a broader definition of success, one that isn’t prescribed by the college admissions process, is something they bring with them into adulthood.

2. Offer regular recognition and praise.
Great managers know that effective praise and recognition can help employees better understand both their own value and what’s important to the organization. And great parents know that one of the best ways to encourage the success they define in #1 is to recognize and praise the right behaviors when they see them. I’ve written two past posts, here and here, on how to praise effectively.

3. Let them find their own route to success.
The best managers don’t legislate every step an employee should take to do an important job well. And they don’t constantly jump in and take over to make sure things are done to their exacting standards. Instead, they describe the desired outcomes, offer appropriate support to guide their people, then let their employees find their own individual routes to get there. Great parents make their expectations clear, but they also acknowledge that every kid is different. They recognize and appreciate what makes each of their kids unique. Instead of expecting that your kids will approach the world exactly as you or their siblings do, encourage them to find how they learn, work, and thrive best.

4. Allow for recoverable failures.
Workplaces can’t benefit from innovation if they don’t allow people to try things that might not work. So great managers encourage employees to experiment, to initiate, and to try new things, all while making sure that any potential failure is one that’s acceptable and recoverable. Great parents appreciate that many of the best opportunities for learning and growth come from the failure that follows trying something that’s new, different, or challenging for their kids. As long as kids aren’t doing anything to put their health or their future at risk (crimes, not test scores, put their future at risk), the occasional recoverable failure can breed resilience, knowledge, and long-term success. Embrace and encourage those opportunities, help them see the ensuing lessons, and enjoy the benefits that come from raising kids who aren’t afraid to fail.

5. Care about the person, not just the results.
Great managers don’t just care about the work—they care about the people behind the work. Employees need to know that they are more than just a name on a paycheck and that someone is concerned about them as people first and employees second. I know that parents don’t need to be reminded to care about their kids. But kids need to know—and to occasionally be reminded—that their parents love them for who they are, not just for what they achieve. Don’t allow the college admissions process to overshadow what’s really important. Happy, healthy kids who feel cared about will bring more joy and fulfillment to your family than any grade, test score, or admissions decisions will.

Do colleges appreciate solitary activities?

Any discussion of the potential admissions value of a high school activity usually involves some combination of accolades, impact, and helping others. Your captainship of the cheerleading squad, published articles for the school paper, volunteer hours with Habitat for Humanity—they all involve contributing to a team, a project, a cause, or some other benefactor.

But what if an activity you really enjoy is something you do just for yourself, one that doesn’t improve, impact, or even involve anyone else?

What if you love to write poetry but don’t have any desire to publish or share it?

What if you teach yourself to play songs on the piano but you get stage fright even imagining performing?

What if you like to draw, or cook your own dinner a few nights a week, or make old-school scrapbooks to preserve your own memories, but choose to reserve those hobbies just for your own enjoyment?

Students frequently ask our Collegewise counselors some version of these questions. They have an activity, interest, or hobby they enjoy, one in which they aren’t trying to master or win or solve anything. It’s something they do just for themselves. And they wonder if colleges will see any value in that time.

First, it’s important to remember that not everything in your life should be about getting into college. If you work hard, get good grades, and you really enjoy playing 30 minutes of video games every night before you go to sleep, I can’t think of a college that would begrudge that fun. It’s important to have balance in your life. And part of that means doing things that aren’t measured, evaluated, or otherwise judged against the metrics of getting into college.

Also, interests—even those that aren’t typical activities—make you interesting. Would you enjoy a first date with someone who talked only about their GPA, test scores, and number of community service hours they’ve completed? Probably not. And a dorm full of 18-22 year olds with their own interests, hobbies, and ideas is a lot more interesting than one where every resident is a resume-padding robot.

But if you just can’t resist evaluating even your off-time, here are a few questions to ask yourself about that thing you do that’s just for you.

Is it taking time away from work you should be doing?
“Do no harm” is a good rule of thumb for just about anything that you do. If you’ve got a record in and out of the classroom that you’re proud of, there’s no harm in allowing yourself the frivolous novel from your favorite author even if that book would never make its way into your English class. On the other hand, those nighttime video game sessions aren’t so harmless if they’re getting in the way of completing your assignments or studying as much as you should. Balance works both ways.

Is this time paying you back in some way?
What do you get from the way you’re spending this time? Do you enjoy it? Does it relax you? Does it break up the monotony of the day, make you feel rewarded for other work well done, or otherwise do something that benefits you? Einstein used to play the violin alone when he needed to work through a difficult problem. Whether this time helps you relax or conquer physics, if it gives something back without taking too much, that’s probably a good trade-off.

Do you exert physical, mental, or emotional effort during this time?
You don’t have to be on the cross country team to benefit from running. Watching and learning from guitar tutorials on YouTube is an exercise in curiosity even if you don’t play in public. And those freehand drawings you care so much about getting right are worth something to you even if those sketches stay tucked away in your notebook.

Is there a by-product of this time?
Maybe this solitary poetry pursuit has made you excited to attend poetry readings in college. Maybe those solo runs led to your interest in learning more about sports medicine. And maybe you wouldn’t mind sharing some of those delectable dishes you’ve learned to cook when you live with college roommates. Sometimes that thing you do just for yourself leads to other interesting and even not-so-solitary pursuits. Even the most involved passions had to start somewhere. If that seemingly insignificant thing you’re doing now is also leading you to new discoveries, connections, or interests, you just might be on your way to something bigger.

And if you’re just not comfortable participating in traditional activities because you’re on the shy side or you just need a little more confidence to engage at that level, see this past post, “Five college planning tips for introverts.”

Game changers

A game changer is a person or thing that dramatically alters the course, strategy, or state of something. The birth of commercial aviation. The technology that killed the music industry as we knew it. The studies that showed sugar, not fat, is the real dietary enemy to our health.

But opportunities for game changing—and game changers—are everywhere. And you don’t need a disruptive technology or course-changing innovation to do it. The right person can change the game with effort, positivity, caring, etc. to make a fundamental impact worthy of the game changer title.

Ever had a meal at a restaurant where the server changed the experience (and the game) for the better?

Ever seen a fellow student who made club meetings or golf practice or the part-time job more enjoyable for everyone?

Or a counselor who makes you feel comfortable enough to open up and share your real worries about college?

Those aren’t radical innovations or initiatives. Just one person bringing their unique talent to a situation and fundamentally changing it for everyone involved.

It’s tempting for students going through the college admissions process to look for opportunities to check off boxes: run for a club office, get community service hours, snag the award or the honor that really pops on the application. Those aren’t necessarily bad instincts. In fact, those are all potential opportunities to change the game. But they aren’t the only ones.

You don’t have to change the world to stand out to colleges. If you’re looking to stand out, find an opportunity, even a small one, where you can make a real difference.

Make the game smaller, then find a way to change it.

Disagree and commit

When two parties can’t come to an agreement over a particular decision, here’s a way to help make the call and move forward with everyone (including those who disagree) on board: disagree and commit.

According to Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos’s recent letter to shareholders, one of the principles that keeps Amazon working like an innovative startup rather than a static behemoth slowed by size and bureaucracy is to make high-quality decisions quickly. Bezos wants people to vigorously debate ideas including his own. But Amazon’s leadership won’t allow the often fruitless pursuit of consensus to prevent smart, necessary decisions from being made. When they reach an impasse, one party will reiterate the reasons they disagree, then commit to doing whatever it takes to make the decision work. They disagree, then commit.

As Bezos describes it:

“I disagree and commit all the time. We recently greenlit a particular Amazon Studios original. I told the team my view: debatable whether it would be interesting enough, complicated to produce, the business terms aren’t that good, and we have lots of other opportunities. They had a completely different opinion and wanted to go ahead. I wrote back right away with ‘I disagree and commit and hope it becomes the most watched thing we’ve ever made.’ Consider how much slower this decision cycle would have been if the team had actually had to convince me rather than simply get my commitment.”

Bezos didn’t keep arguing. He didn’t schedule another meeting to try to convince everyone he was right. And this time, he didn’t change his mind (he often does). But after disagreeing, he committed. He wants the project to be “the most watched thing we’ve ever made.” That’s a lot more supportive—and productive—than someone who says, “This will never work, and I can’t wait to say, ‘I told you so.’”

Not surprisingly, disagree and commit could be really helpful to counselor teams, clubs, and organizations. But it might even be useful in college planning, too.

A student wants to apply to an expensive college that’s out of her family’s budget. The parent doesn’t see the point in expending the application energy and potentially getting the student’s hopes up. The parent could say, “I disagree, but take your best shot—I hope you get in with a generous financial aid package.” Disagree and commit.

A parent is considering hiring a private counselor for her student. The student doesn’t see the need and wants to handle the process on his own. The student could say, “Mom, I don’t think I need someone to help me. But I’ll go to the free introductory meeting. I actually have some questions for her, too. Who knows—maybe it will turn out to be something I want to do.”

The student isn’t committing to working with a counselor yet. But he’s committing to investigate the possibility with an open mind.

A student who struggles with standardized tests wants to take the SAT again. Her counselor thinks that twice is enough and recommends that the student adjust her college list to include schools that will admit her with her current scores. A counselor could say, “I worry that you’re spending too much time on standardized tests. (Disagree.) But it seems like you really feel strongly about this. And it’s your college process, not mine. So I’ll be cheering you on and hoping you get a score that you’ll feel great about. Do you need some recommendations on how to prepare?” (Commit.)

Sometimes we get entrenched in our arguments just so we don’t have to be connected to a decision that eventually proves to be wrong. We don’t want the other party to later say some version of, “Don’t complain—you agreed to do this, too!”

But disagreeing and committing doesn’t just free us from that worry. It also lets us feel more comfortable relenting, allowing the decision to take place, and actually being a productive part of making the decision successful.

The next time you can’t come to an agreement, do more than just agree to disagree. Agree to disagree and commit.

In the business vs. on the business

The most important job of a college counselor is, not surprisingly, college counseling. Sitting down with families and helping them manage a more successful, more enjoyable process isn’t just what people hire us for; it’s also what we do best.

But we can’t meet with students all day because they’re in school. And our busiest time—“Senior Season,” as we call it—runs from July-December. So during the spring, we spend as much time working on our business as we do in it.

Every two weeks, I send an email to everyone in the company asking one question: “What are you working on?” People who want to answer (participation is always optional) fill out a quick survey, and all the answers are shared with the entire company the next day. This has nothing to do with managing people or watching over them to make sure they’re working. Sharing what we’re all up to is one small way to help us feel a little more connected. We don’t all work in one building with each other. Our counselors are spread out all over the country and even internationally. But our regular work sharing lets us draw ideas and inspiration from each other. And if we see something that looks interesting, we can try it ourselves, or reach out and offer to pitch in.

Below, I’ve shared some sample responses from last week. Some are short, some long, some straightforward, some with levity—we don’t mandate how people should respond. And this is one of the few times when we don’t want to be sticklers about great writing. The key is for each coworker to have an opportunity to share whatever work update they’d like to share.

Schools, departments, clubs, organizations, businesses, etc.–we all get busy. We all struggle occasionally just to get the job done like we’ve been hired to do. But whenever you can, give yourself and everyone else the time, space, and opportunity to take on other projects, to improve, push, initiate, or otherwise go beyond what they’re hired to do. Work on your business rather than just in it, and you’ll probably be better—and happier—doing the jobs you were hired to do.

  • Speaking at a middle school, speaking at a college fair, speaking at an art consortium, then taking a break from speaking until May. Also onboarding our new counselor and hoping I don’t scare her away!
  • I am working on setting up our relatively new conference room for a presentation next week, editing activity summaries, sifting through the 2017 debrief to make it useable for everyone, and setting up our summer seminar series. Woot woot!
  • Hiring. We are still on the phone interview stage over here. Moving my office. Slowly building lots of IKEA furniture between student meetings. Eventually getting rid of my old furniture (which was just mine from home). Writing three months of the CW parent newsletter, the one we send to enrolled families. Prepping to present twice (two days, two topics) next week at the New Jersey NACAC college fair in Secaucus—the biggest college fair in the state. Prepping to present next week (on the same day as one of the college fair presentations!) at a local private high school. Meeting with my juniors, finalizing lists, and activity summaries. Meeting with sophomores who are starting college research. Meeting with freshmen who are wrapping up course planning and confirming summer plans. Signing lots of new underclassmen. Scheduling a few summer seminars. Trying to find time to write part of the nursing guide, but slipping on that for sure.
  • I’m LOVING having a partner in crime with the addition of our office’s new counselor and all the fun stuff that comes along with an expanding office. Preparing with the amazing 301 webinar team (there is going to be some meaty stuff for everyone—shameless plug for the May 3rd webinar–DON’T MISS IT!!!)… Working hard to start finalizing some of my 2018 kids’ lists and putting essay brainstorming meetings on the calendar.
  • I am hosting a counselor luncheon on May 9th. So right now I am just monitoring the registration and making plans for a final RSVP push. I am also gearing up for a few seminars during the next three months beginning this Sunday. I am also hiring a Community Organizer (yay!).
  • Lots of speeches, getting ready to present at the TACAC/SACAC/RMACAC Superconference, looking for a co-working space, and a couple of introductory meetings, too.
  • Quite a lot of speeches at night, but the bulk of my time is spent addressing the questions and concerns of my colleagues. I also write many emails that contain nary an explanation point while contemplating our ongoing path to global admissions dominion. Then I have tea.
  • Outreach! I’m excited that I’m in the process of setting up a formal relationship with the public library that will include seminars for students and families, and possibly training for librarians.
  • Prettifying our office for our new addition (she starts in June!). Hitting the financial outreach hard this week and meeting with financial advisors, banks, and equity firms about collaborative seminars and potential partnerships. Stalking my seniors about final decisions and sending out testimonial requests. Moving juniors to final lists and taking photos for our senior wall (how is this happening already?!).
  • Administering the employee engagement survey (please take yours if you haven’t already), preparing for upcoming management trainings in Seattle and NYC (East Coast bound!), updating some recruiting, hiring, and training resources, and drinking significantly more coffee since the arrival of kid #2.
  • With March SAT and April ACT scores available, the name of the game is Reach, Target, Likely/Safety lists! Also, preparing for Casey’s arrival and the 3rd office expansion!
  • Training, training, training, training, coffee, webinar, training, coffee. Also prepping for my NACAC fair speech on Sunday and testing pizza places with Joel. #priorities
  • I’ve had an ongoing project trying to get Yelp pages set up for all of the brick and mortar offices around the country. More and more people are using Yelp as a modern Yellow Pages, and we want to ensure that our contact information is correct in all of our various markets. Getting Yelp to assist us with this has proven much more difficult than anticipated. Next week is finally training week and I’m very excited to meet all the other new Wisers from across the country.
  • I just posted 2 new seminars that I’m excited about. Now, I’m working on getting them filled!
  • I am really excited to be pulling together the training for our new assistants and have enjoyed the process even though I have emailed Allison about it approximately 732 times. Also, getting my new counselor up to speed! It’s her first week and she’s handling it like a champ so far. She hasn’t run screaming from the building and her head hasn’t exploded from information overload (yet). If you other recent newbies want to give her some love and a pep talk, please do!
  • Two big things: revamping essay training materials, and starting the hiring process for new editors and proofreaders. Yay!
  • Training, training, training… Trying to learn all that is Collegewise! Currently staring at Kevin’s face on the on-demand training videos while I learn about intro meetings. My brain is on overload, but I am liking what I hear and am more affirmed I am in the right place! Hope to add to the awesomeness that you all already bring to the program!
  • Creating a one-man video production studio from scratch. I’m in concurrent pre-production on several video projects that will go public in mid-late June. You’ll start to see teasers in May. Working out visits to film in Austin and NY/NJ/CT, interviews with the leadership, and I’m looking for filming opportunities to film students/parents with some help from you guys. Working up several “pilot” projects for what will be a rich content stream on YouTube and Instagram, probably featuring y’all giving tips/advice/wisdom on all things college admissions. Bouncing ideas off leadership and counselors to make sure our content reflects the awesomeness within.

Not-so-harmless embarrassment

I worked with a student years ago who told me that when her father drove her to middle school every day, he’d roll down the windows and purposely blare his “old-time music” as he approached the school’s curbside. Then he’d yell, “Go get ‘em honey—another day to excel!” as she exited the car. She still rolled her eyes about it at age 17, but there was also a touch of love for Dear Old Dad as she retold the story.

I’ll admit that I usually find it endearing when a parent does something that exasperates their teen to the point of venting, “You’re embarrassing me!” They’re usually harmless acts with no lasting damage done, even to the most fragile of teen psyches.

But last week, an admissions officer from a selective college posted a description to a private social media group of some recent parent behavior during the school’s tours, none of which seemed endearing.

One parent demanded to sit face-to-face with the admissions representative responsible for their territory. The current admissions officer who was slated to speak with interested families? Not an acceptable option, apparently.

Another berated the tour guide, who was unable to immediately fulfill the parent’s request to speak with a mechanical engineering professor.

And yet another showed up outside the scheduled group tour times, was unhappy that they would not immediately do a tour just for her family, and then not only inserted herself into a private tour organized for a specific high school, but also dominated the Q and A portion at the end.

What’s most troubling is that it wasn’t just one parent, and the incidents weren’t isolated. These kinds of behaviors are showing up regularly from parents of potential incoming freshmen.

That post included an acknowledgement that not all parents are like this. But it concluded with a reminder of just how important it is for students to speak for themselves.

Parents, there’s nothing wrong with you being an engaged participant in your student’s college search. It’s your child, after all, and you deserve to be included and heard, especially if you’ll be paying the bill.

But if your behavior—on a tour, at a college event, on the phone with the admissions office, etc.—demonstrates that you’re demanding and difficult, that you expect concierge-like service, and most troublingly, that you do not allow your student to ask their own questions and make their own collegiate discoveries, you’re embarrassing your student, potentially in a not-so-harmless way.

Seek good certainty

I always remind seniors who are weighing their college options that some amount of uncertainty is normal. That’s the way that big decisions like a job offer to accept, a new city in which to live, and yes, a college to attend, work. You do as much research, thinking, and soul searching as you can. Then you just have to listen to your gut and make the leap. Don’t assume that you necessarily have to be sure of this choice when you make it. In fact, that uncertainty is often the best part.

But here’s one thing you can be absolutely certain of–if you take on student debt to attend college, you’re going to have to pay it back.

Whether you’ve already identified your post-college career or haven’t even chosen a major yet, life will always offer uncertainties. You may fall in love with a career option that just doesn’t pay very well. You may not get into the graduate school that you hoped to attend. You may land–but then be laid off from–your dream job. These things happen even to smart, successful people. And if they happen to you, you’ll need to be flexible and resilient to keep going.

But your student loan lenders will not care how your plans changed or what unforeseen circumstances you’re facing. They’ll want to be paid on time. That’s a certainty.

This is not an argument that you shouldn’t take on student debt. I think that’s a decision that each student needs to make with their family. And there are certainly adults who are not only thankful that they took on the debt required to attend the college they did, but also very proud that they responsibly paid off what they owed.

But the more debt you assume when you start college, the bigger role that debt will play in your post-college plans. The less debt you owe, student loan or otherwise, the more freedom you’ll have to make decisions based on what’s best for you, not best for your creditor, and the more flexible you’ll be able to be when life has different plans. And nobody ever lost sleep at night because they just didn’t owe enough people more money.

The more uncertainty you have about your college and your future career, the more cautious you should be taking on a potentially large debt to attend. If the only thing you can be sure of today is that the school you’re about to choose won’t leave you with hefty student loans when you graduate, that’s a pretty good certainty to carry with you to college.

Writing before meeting

If you’re an executive at Amazon and you want to pitch a new idea to your colleagues, you’ll have some writing—and they’ll have some reading—to do.

Here’s what often happens in your typical meeting. Someone has an idea, maybe one they haven’t taken all that much time to think through, and they share it with the group. Or they might bring a PowerPoint deck that includes bulleted facts to support their vision. Discussions, questions, objections, etc. ensue. But in the end, nobody feels ready to say yes to the idea. There are too many questions, too many unknowns, and not a clear enough picture of what the idea would actually look like in practice. And the only decision reached is to discuss the idea—again—at a future meeting.

Amazon avoids this version of new idea limbo with “narratives.”

Anyone with a new idea must first lay out their argument in a memo of no longer than six pages. It’s not just a description; they address the assertions, assumptions, benefits, risks, and suggested next steps. And the idea is not shared in advance—it’s shared at the beginning of the meeting. At the start of the meeting, everyone reads the memo and makes notes in the margins. When everyone is finished reading, they ask the writer questions for 30-45 minutes. And best of all, at the end of the meeting, a decision is reached—yes, no, or a next step like gathering missing information.

Here are the benefits to this approach:

1. It makes ideas stronger.

It’s harder to write a convincing argument than it is to float a half-formed idea in a meeting. That’s intentional. The narrative forces people to really think about their idea, to consider not just the potential benefits but also the risks and the reasons it might not work (because you know you’ll need to answer those questions). As Amazon’s Jeff Bezos describes it in this article:

“Full sentences are harder to write [than bullets in a PowerPoint presentation]… They have verbs. The paragraphs have topic sentences. There is no way to write a six-page, narratively structured memo and not have clear thinking.”

Most of us would not voluntarily listen to a presentation if the speaker told us, “I haven’t prepared exactly what I want to say today, so I’m just going to start talking and see where it goes.” So why should we allow it in a meeting? The narrative imposes discipline before discussion.

2. It respects colleagues’ time.
Too often, a group’s approach to getting things done is “Let’s have a meeting.” But time is a precious commodity. And group meetings—especially when they include meandering discussions about half-formed ideas that ultimately don’t lead to decisions—are often gigantic time-wasters. The narrative means that if you don’t feel ready to present your pitch in writing, if you’re not ready to defend it in front of the group, then you don’t call the meeting. You can use that time to prepare. And you’ve respected your colleagues’ time by letting them do their work in the meantime.

3. It leads to faster, better decisions.
How many meetings have you sat through that were all talk and no follow-up action? The point of discussing just about anything in a group meeting is to make a decision of some kind. Sometimes the decision is a no. But that’s still a decision, a much more definitive one than the standard, “Let’s continue this discussion next week (at which point many of us will simply repeat what we said this week).”

You don’t have to adopt Amazon’s narrative to make your meetings more productive. In fact, you could improve most meetings with just a few simple steps.

  • Remember that any meeting is taking time from all the participants. 5-10 people spending an hour together is actually 5-10 hours of time that could have been spent doing something else. If you’re going to have meetings, make your meetings count.
  • Don’t have standing meetings that happen whether or not there’s anything worth discussing. Have a meeting only when you need to have a meeting.
  • Are you meeting just to get a group update on what everyone has been doing? Why not have colleagues just write a paragraph or two (not an Amazon narrative-style argument, just a simple description) and share it ahead of time?
  • If you want to share an idea just to get feedback, share it with a few key people first. Get their thoughts, objections, and concerns. This is like doing a focus group. You’ll have a chance to refine your idea before you bring it to the meeting. In fact, you might be able to line those key people up as supporters before then.
  • Measure your meetings by the decisions made. If the only decision made is to have another meeting, that’s not a decision. Decisions are yes, no, or a specific step to gather whatever is preventing you from making the decision today.

Do your kids know what’s expected of them?

I may preach that kids need to take charge of their college admissions process. But parents, especially those paying the bill, have every right to voice their opinions, including what you expect from your kids when it comes to their education. But are those expectations clear to your kids? That’s a different question than, “Have you made your expectations clear?” You might think that your words and actions communicate clearly to your teen. But what’s clear to you may not be clear to them. And given how much stress can surround the process for the entire family, it’s worth taking the time to make sure you’re on the same page.

For example, you might expect nothing more than their best effort. You might expect that they choose whatever path makes them happy. You might expect that they get admitted to the most competitive college possible, that they take over the family business, or that they make the family proud by becoming the first member to graduate from a four-year college.

But whatever the expectations, the first step to your kids potentially embracing them is to make sure they really understand just what those expectations are.

Here are two past posts, one with my recommended parents’ pledge to high school kids, and a second about the potential value of high expectations when combined with unconditional love.